sorry in advance..

[CohibaRobusto]

Counseling is a good idea, like Robdjents said. Either just you with a therapist to figure out how you want to move on from this - or as a couple to help get through this together.

My wife and I go pretty regulary, and it's been awesome. Don't get me wrong, it's emotional sometimes, but you're actually dealing with the difficult things rather than sweeping them under the rug like so many others do.

 

[CJ]

You have time too Andy, it's not like you're getting married next week.

Take all the time you need to make sure it's RIGHT. Don't make a lifelong decision because you think that you're getting older. You have more time than you think.

 

[Trump]

Jesus dude no one can give you advice on this situation at all. You have to follow your heart and no one can tell you otherwise

 

[DeplorableCracker]

Wouldn't marry her. You can forgive her while sending her out the door. If you accept that behavior and reward it with forgiveness... you'll get more of it.

Women like power. I can't think of a more impotent thing to do than to "forgive" her after you paid for her vacation and she ran around on you with other men. In the coming months, she'll end up making it your fault anyway..."you chose work and clients over me." Boot her ass.

Edit: Always remember...open hand keeps you of jail. It's in the constitution.

I'm with you on most of this, especially the eventually it's gonna be your fault anyways thing, but WTF with the open hand shit? maybe I'm reading this wrong, but are you advocating it's okay to smack a woman around as long as it's not close fisted? That's a pretty ****ed up take, not to mention completely false in the pretense that it'll keep you out of jail.

 

[Tinbeater36]

First off, sorry brother. I don't think any of us can tell you what to do, that being said talking about it is healthy, and good for you for being able to express how you're feeling. Wish you the best whatever you decide.

 

[chicago311]

hope all things work out for you brother..... GO with your heart.

 

[Joliver]

I'm with you on most of this, especially the eventually it's gonna be your fault anyways thing, but WTF with the open hand shit? maybe I'm reading this wrong, but are you advocating it's okay to smack a woman around as long as it's not close fisted? That's a pretty ****ed up take, not to mention completely false in the pretense that it'll keep you out of jail.

Hope she sees this bro. Also, it's in the Geneva convention.

 

[snake]

OK, I thought about this and I'm probably going to get shit for it but its food for thought.

If you subscribe to the idea of long term dating with engagement followed by marriage, then hear me out. Dating is just a sampling of what's out there and not finding the one, but finding yourself. Engagement is a whole nother level. In my book, she needs to constantly bring her A game. If she can't for that relatively short period of time during the good times, how's she going to do down the stretch?

When you add in a mortgage, bills and children, how is she going to hold up? If you're not all that and a bag of chips to her now, where will you be 7 years from now when the itch hits?

Short of infidelity or the loss of a child, most marriages can withstand anything. We can control one of those factors.

 

[Jin]

Short of infidelity or the loss of a child, most marriages can withstand anything. We can control one of those factors.

I would argue you cannot control either.

What is your goal in getting married at all?

I’m an odd duck. I married my wife because I saw I could sacrifice for her to help her become the woman she was made to be. My marriage is based off of sacrificial love and it’s the same from her side.

I engaged in some sexual activity outside our marriage in the beginning. It was paid sex work, but still not being faithful.

I confessed, we worked through it and our marriage is amazing now.

Why you are getting married and what your values are are a big part of this decision. Most people use marriage to their personal gain. If you are more concerned about yourself than your potential wife, then get rid of her and find someone rock solid.

If you care about seeing this woman through to her full potential and want to live a sacrificial life of love then consider forgiveness. Not to be a doormat mind you. Only if you can regain trust.

 

[RISE]

She was drunk, and she didn't phuck the guy. I'd say forgive and forget.

 

[Jin]

I would go as far as to say marriage isn’t meant for most people these days. Just look at the divorce rate.

 

[CohibaRobusto]

I don't expect my wife to be any more perfect than I am. In fact, I'll give her more leeway because I love her so much and she is so good for me.

 

[Boytoy]

I would go as far as to say marriage isn’t meant for most people these days. Just look at the divorce rate.

Marriage requires sacrifice.
This is the "I" generation. All about Selfies and shit. The two don't go together.

 

[Boytoy]

Sure, but you are a man.

The ones I was with were not.
Well not the ones I remember anyway.

 

[Seeker]

Two things I noticed with your post, Andy.

1. You say you let her go? The fact you paid for her trip doesn't change the fact that she went because she wanted to go. She could have chosen not to go and stay with you. This was her choice, not yours.

2. You give her the benefit because she told you? She told you not because she wanted to, but because she probably had to. This would have definitely gotten back to you from someone else.

That's all I got to add to this..

 

[BRICKS]

She was drunk, and she didn't phuck the guy. I'd say forgive and forget.

Seekers post above plus addressing this quote:

Exactly how do you know she didn't f*ck the guy. Cause she told you and you trust her? You see where this is going? You think this other guy's intention was to just grind on the dance floor and swap spit? So even if she didn't screw him then at some point she said no....what, no I have a boyfriend? Then what exactly was this otherstuff. Boyfriend (you) ok with that? Sure make out, probably feel up my wife but you can't fk her. Yeah right....

I repped Trump above for his answer and no, nobody can tell you what you should do. Just like nobody should have to tell her how to behave either, bro.

If it's me we're done. It's a girlfriend. Not a wife you've invested a life with. Mrs. BRICKS and I are the same page on this. We both divorced cheating spouses, I was married to my ex for 10 years, she was married to hers for 9 with 2 little kids, had to disappear in the middle of the night when he was out of town. So I know her position on infidelity. Would your girlfriend tolerate that behavior from you?

Trust is like a savings account. You build it by making small deposits. When you betray that trust you over draw on that account and it takes a long time, if ever, to build it back up.

Last thing on this ramble. What the hell are you doing looking for your fault in this? She is an adult right? She's responsible for her own behavior. And if some alcohol makes her forget the commitment she has to you, where do you stand?

Just how I look at it FWIW. Good luck bro.

 

[Grinch]

The community thing you guys got going is bad ****ing ass.
It's hard to take a step back after somthing like this happens. I wouldn't want to tell you anything at all because every situation is a unique situation. Theres a lot of moving parts and everyones infidelity story is never identical although very similar. You seem to be pretty squared away man and I would think it's safe to assume that you will make the right decision that's best for YOU.
I will say a few things from my own personal experience.
If they cheat once, they will do it again.

33 isnt old man, you're in your prime unless you're Benjamin buttoning it
Its acceptable to take a break so you can sort it out. Maybe you need your own vacation to get the proper perspective

My best friend growing up called me about 10 years ago. His wife of less than a year had been cheating with one of our friends from childhood. I told him to dump her and move on because that's what I would do. He stayed with her and they have a child and go on 3 vacations a year and every photo you see of them they are all smiles. As long as hes happy, then **** it.
It's a matter of what you need or want out of the situation.

Some of the advice on here has been ****ing solid though. Good luck man.

 

[Bobbyloads]

Marriage is a big step your legally binding your self to the person so you damn sure better be 100% sure you will be happy with that person. You throw kids in the mix and mortgages and car loans etc..... Good luck man.

You say you want kids yes? Imagine if you get drunk later when your kids are older and you tell them that story?

Like people stated you have to do what you feel is right but make sure you take every scenario into consideration and think about what the future will hold due to these actions.

33 ain’t old and don’t give in just cause you think your getting old better to e older and in the right situation then rush and pay for it when your older.

 

[thementalbreak]

It isn’t partly your fault at all.

You don’t take 50% of her responsibility to stay loyal and not cheat just because you didn’t make the trip.

Only you know the answers to these questions deep down:

Do you trust her, and have you ever trusted her?

If not, has something in the past happened to make you feel this way?

Do you feel she would do this regardless?

Have you ever cheated and she knows about it?

 

[Gibsonator]

Trump, Seeker and Bricks have great responses, i didnt read them all but those were good.
3 years is a lot of time invested no doubt.
3 years has always been the make it or break it point for me.
I hate to say it but I find it hard to believe kissing is all that happened but hopefully that was it.
Maybe she thought coming clean with that, knowing you may find out somehow, would lead you to believe that was all that happened and not question her due to her "honesty".
This is a tough pill to swallow.
I too made some bad decisions early on that my now wife and i worked through and she complete let go of our marriage is great.
So, this really depends on the dynamic of your relationship, how much you love this woman, how much do you think she truly loves you.
Also, will you be able to forgive and forget or will the thought of some foreign dude feeling up your wife and being sexual with her fukk u up in the head.
Someone said early on call it fair and move on or something, and while texting a chick and physically touching another person are 2 different things, that may be your best way to look at it.
Best of luck to you either way Andy.