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  1. #1
    Elite Jin's Avatar
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    Parenting styles

    When I'm alone with my 3 year old she is (mostly) happy and obedient.
    When my wife and I are parenting together she turns into a needy, fussy pain in the ass. It makes me resent my wife because I can't stand the way my kid acts when she is around.
    My wife is a very kind and loving mother. More patient than I am, but I feel like she is always worried about what our child needs (anticipating such needs, offering activities, food, blanket etc) whereas I dont anticipate, I react.
    I feel bad that my kid doesn't behave well when my wife is present or taking care of her solo. I know sometimes she is "too busy" to discipline or not give into demands/tantrums and I've talked with her about being consistent.



    Anybody else had had a similar situation? What did you do?
    Last edited by Jin; 05-18-2017 at 03:47 AM.
    Homo Erectus Maximis

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  3. #2
    Elite StillKickin's Avatar
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    That can be tough Jin.
    Luckily my wife and are of the same mind in this and consistency is paramount I agree.
    Kids, I'll tell ya, there may be guidelines but very few hard and fast rules to raising them.
    But then again it's a soul lifting experience to watch your child develop their own personality. Can't help but wonder "just how can you be so different from your brother/sister???"
    Good luck man.
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  5. #3
    UG BENCH KING ECKSRATED's Avatar
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    My kids are Angels when it's just me around. And I'm.not just saying that. My wife is very impatient and yells a lot. I can't fukking stand it some times. Patience and the art of distraction goes a long with with children. Don't give in to every little thing they cry for or demand. You're the boss.

    It's a mother thing I think jin. She needs to stop babying her it sounds like. U want this? U need that? That has to stop.
    Strengthfirst

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  7. #4
    Member Aoutest's Avatar
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    Talk with your wife. I have no idea what your dynamic with your wife. My wife will listen to me and follow my lead in parenting, social interaction, finance, etc but I have to actually lead her and make sure she knows how to stay on the same page. I can't tell her, "just parent like XYZ just like I do" and expect her to know how to do it. You may need to work with her and encourage her to adopt different parenting methods not because you're trying to control your wife but because you and your wife are raising your daughter as a team. Teams need leaders and you believe your parenting style is best, as do I. I suggest that you talk to your wife and tell her your concerns and tell her that you were going to assist her in providing your daughter consistent parenting. Good luck to you and your family.

    My wife and I have many children and we haven't Deverd to mutually support each other in employing the same rearing style for our children. Clearly mom and dad have different roles to play but it seems like your wife's anxiety is causing her to fret unnecessarily.



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  9. #5
    Elite IHI's Avatar
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    Shit, if any of yas got daughters, wait until theyre 14,15,16...the female hate of all females blossoms and the real fun begins.

    i think it is probably this case in most homes and why having kids raised by both parents is so important. Dads are usually the ones that bite their tounge during little dumb things and dont get real excited. Moms are the main disciplinarians for the hour to hour stuff but most of their discipline is empty threats and kids catch onto that right away and exploit it/have less respect. Whereas when dad finally has to get involved, its swift, its loud, it often scares the kid/s and they quickly learn- dont piss that one off

    so obviously its the same story in our home with our 15yr old daughter and 6yr old son as it is with you fellas lol.

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  11. #6
    Elite BigSwolePump's Avatar
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    That kinda shit drives me crazy. It was the same thing in my house. My youngest is 14 and oldest will be 21 next month. I have never had issues with them. If I tell them something, I only need to say it once. My wife on the other hand, will talk and threaten then do nothing, hence they still walk all over her. Both of my boys have had less then a handful of spankings in their entire lives by me. They know that when I say something, I mean it. There is no negotiations or arguments. I think that this is the key to discipline.

    Think about military, if you have ever been in any branch. In boot camp, there is one way to do things. There are no discussions. You are told to do something and you are expected to do it. There are consequences when you do not. Years later after boot camp, you STILL do it that way. Fuk, my wife still laughs at my sock drawer.

    My point is, with children or anyone that you are teaching respect, it all about the presentation, followup and consequences. The parents who follow this rule have respectful and obedient kids and the parent who don't can blame themselves.
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    You weigh 150 pounds. I had a dog bigger than you. You don't need steroids you need a trainer and a diet.

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  13. #7
    Senior Member Beezy's Avatar
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    My son is awesome no matter who is around. Both of my daughters are ten times worse when my wife is present. I just found out we're having a third girl in October, which has me a little nervous.



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  15. #8
    Administrator PillarofBalance's Avatar
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    Have you tried putting it in your wife's butt? I find this solves most relationship issues.

    But seriously my baby mama and I are divorced which makes this kind of stuff 1000 times more complicated. Last night my daughter is playing softball. My ex and I are there watching. My daughter strikes out. My ex yells at her for it. Tells her if she isn't gonna try then she isn't coming to watch. Then proceeds to complain to me that this girl of ours is unmotivated. Gee I wonder why.

    So basically - I got nothing for you other than children seek different things from each parent. My daughter acts more independently when she is with me. But is a whining needy baby with her mother.
    Rest in Peace Robot Lord. First round of Natty Boh is on me when I make it up there with you brother.

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  17. #9
    Veteran Seeker's Avatar
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    Lol my kids are constantly fighting with their mom. It's a daily battle between them. My ex wife is constantly calling me telling me to deal with the kids because they don't listen to her. I go over to the house and start asking the kids to do this, do that, and boom . Lolol it gets done with no talk back. My kids and ex wife love each other to death and one day apart from each other and they start missing each other. But it's always something between them 3.
    Strength is understanding that your power is both physical and emotional..

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    that I cannot and will not fight through.

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  19. #10
    Elite Jaydub's Avatar
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    You're not alone man. It gets downright ugly at my place. The ol lady knows what She s doing wrong, but can't help doing it. She's too lenient, let's too much slide. Then erupts with anger when it gets too far, but has no follow thru. So the kids don't take her seriously. We've talked time and time again. She tells me to handle it, but shit.. each time I do that the kids listen, but if I stay consistent I end up being too mean.. **** it

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  21. #11
    Elite BRICKS's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Seeker View Post
    Lol my kids are constantly fighting with their mom. It's a daily battle between them. My ex wife is constantly calling me telling me to deal with the kids because they don't listen to her. I go over to the house and start asking the kids to do this, do that, and boom . Lolol it gets done with no talk back. My kids and ex wife love each other to death and one day apart from each other and they start missing each other. But it's always something between them 3.
    But you're a big scary dude. Seriously, I'm impressed with the quality of the responses. Good stuff here. I think whichever route you take it's very important that you and your wife are on the same page. Definitely communicate these things with her diplomatically and come to a point you can both agree on and enforce consistently. Kids are clever and will pit one parent against the other to get what they want. If you are as one with each other in parenting, you will nip that in the bud and also avoid resenting each other later. My kids never had a doubt that we were parents first and not buddies. They're adults now and have both voiced gratitude for this.

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  23. #12
    Elite RISE's Avatar
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    My son is the same way. I can go to restaurants with just me and him and he's chill as fuk, sits in his seat plays with his toys and eats his food. He's 2 btw. But when it's the both of us he goes apeshit. It's not that she's against disipline or not stern, I'm actually more lenient to an extent, but she has a harder time keeping him under control. Sometimes I wonder if it's bc I actually take him out to socialize like the zoo, parks, restaurants, down to river to play in the sand and water, etc. On my girls days off she just takes him over to her parents house for the day. Somehow I wonder if he translates that into him favoring me more than her at times, even though he asks for her a lot when she's nit there.

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