- Joined
- Apr 2, 2012
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So me and my best BRAHS were hanging out at one of the local nutrition shops, looking over P&L sheets and planning business expansions…. You know, real MEAT HEAD type shit. In walk these two guys in their early 20s.
“Hey Brolio, I’m looking for some gear, can you help me out?”
We instantly stop talking and look at this fool like he has a dick growing out of his head.
“No.”
Now this was a lie as we had just received a massive order from PEA, which was conveniently located in the cabinet below the counter (to be divided up later).
Now this happens every once in a while. A guy see’s a bunch of jacked dudes in a nutrition shop and figures he should pop in and ask us where to get TEH GEARZ. Most of the time we laugh and tell them they have a few years to go and a ton of LBS before they are ready, none of us will straight to your face deny (unless I’m talking to my fiancé “it’s TRT baby!”).
Well these guys just don’t get it. “Come one man, I’m looking for that TREN look. I need that TREN.”
One of my buddies chimes in “we got dat dere cell-tech hardcore.” That’s a lie, we don’t have any MT products, but it was funny nonetheless.
The owner is a very patient guy, a BBer, and most of the time will take the time to talk to these guys and try to force some sense into them. He asks the kid his diet.
“This morning I had 2 eggs, and a bowl of instant oatmeal, I haven’t eaten since then. I’m trying to get RIPPED. And I don’t do egg whites, I do the whole egg. I’m not a pussy.” I just about lost my shit.
“What in the shit?! How is eating 2 eggs and instant oatmeal going to get your ripped?!”
“Calories in, calories out bro. I’m not working out today so I gotta cut. Shit, I thought you would know about this kind of thing. Looks like I’ll be taking your job.”
At this point the kid is about 3 seconds from death. It’s been a rough day already. I’m back in town for 2 days and my buddy is trying to get me to open a few shops for him which would mean leaving my current, secure, well-paying job. Scary shit.
I start to say something and my buddy just kind of grabs me and starts pulling me to the back room. He’s a powerlifter, so he can do that kind of thing pretty easily. The entire time I’m yelling,
“You know what I had for breakfast?! I had 8 eggs, 1 cup dry oats, an apple, and a goddamn tablespoon of natural peanut butter! You know, the kind you have to freakin’ stir! I’ll eat 3500 calories before the day is done and still drop more bodyfat this week than you will in the next month.” I mean, I’m just red faced, sweating, and carrying on like an idiot. My buddy gets me to the back room and shuts the door, I’m still yelling about macronutrients and the benefits of fiber.
I hear this kid go, “you need to put a leash on your dog, he’s going that roid rage. I bet his nuts are pebbles.”
I’m pissed, I grab for the door. LOCKED. I start pounding. “You MOTHER-F___ER! I got your tren right here, let me stick this needle in ya real quick!” Finally I hear
“Hey Sponge, Bro… You gotta calm down. The kids are gone.” So I regain my composure and relax. They open the door. Kids are still there.
I just stare. He stares back. I walk up to him, about 2 feet separate this kid from death.
“We cool bro?” asks the mouthy one.
“At the very least you need more eggs.” I say, very calmly.
My buddies just lose their shit, rolling on the floor like idiots. The kid just starts laughing, breaks into a HUGE smile and goes “Hey Sponge, I’m A___’s brother!”
Long story short, I just got trolled in real life.
“Hey Brolio, I’m looking for some gear, can you help me out?”
We instantly stop talking and look at this fool like he has a dick growing out of his head.
“No.”
Now this was a lie as we had just received a massive order from PEA, which was conveniently located in the cabinet below the counter (to be divided up later).
Now this happens every once in a while. A guy see’s a bunch of jacked dudes in a nutrition shop and figures he should pop in and ask us where to get TEH GEARZ. Most of the time we laugh and tell them they have a few years to go and a ton of LBS before they are ready, none of us will straight to your face deny (unless I’m talking to my fiancé “it’s TRT baby!”).
Well these guys just don’t get it. “Come one man, I’m looking for that TREN look. I need that TREN.”
One of my buddies chimes in “we got dat dere cell-tech hardcore.” That’s a lie, we don’t have any MT products, but it was funny nonetheless.
The owner is a very patient guy, a BBer, and most of the time will take the time to talk to these guys and try to force some sense into them. He asks the kid his diet.
“This morning I had 2 eggs, and a bowl of instant oatmeal, I haven’t eaten since then. I’m trying to get RIPPED. And I don’t do egg whites, I do the whole egg. I’m not a pussy.” I just about lost my shit.
“What in the shit?! How is eating 2 eggs and instant oatmeal going to get your ripped?!”
“Calories in, calories out bro. I’m not working out today so I gotta cut. Shit, I thought you would know about this kind of thing. Looks like I’ll be taking your job.”
At this point the kid is about 3 seconds from death. It’s been a rough day already. I’m back in town for 2 days and my buddy is trying to get me to open a few shops for him which would mean leaving my current, secure, well-paying job. Scary shit.
I start to say something and my buddy just kind of grabs me and starts pulling me to the back room. He’s a powerlifter, so he can do that kind of thing pretty easily. The entire time I’m yelling,
“You know what I had for breakfast?! I had 8 eggs, 1 cup dry oats, an apple, and a goddamn tablespoon of natural peanut butter! You know, the kind you have to freakin’ stir! I’ll eat 3500 calories before the day is done and still drop more bodyfat this week than you will in the next month.” I mean, I’m just red faced, sweating, and carrying on like an idiot. My buddy gets me to the back room and shuts the door, I’m still yelling about macronutrients and the benefits of fiber.
I hear this kid go, “you need to put a leash on your dog, he’s going that roid rage. I bet his nuts are pebbles.”
I’m pissed, I grab for the door. LOCKED. I start pounding. “You MOTHER-F___ER! I got your tren right here, let me stick this needle in ya real quick!” Finally I hear
“Hey Sponge, Bro… You gotta calm down. The kids are gone.” So I regain my composure and relax. They open the door. Kids are still there.
I just stare. He stares back. I walk up to him, about 2 feet separate this kid from death.
“We cool bro?” asks the mouthy one.
“At the very least you need more eggs.” I say, very calmly.
My buddies just lose their shit, rolling on the floor like idiots. The kid just starts laughing, breaks into a HUGE smile and goes “Hey Sponge, I’m A___’s brother!”
Long story short, I just got trolled in real life.
