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Thread: joke thread

  1. #1
    Senior Member curls's Avatar
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    joke thread

    With all the stress in day to day life I thought I would start a joke thread
    -got this one today


    This is alarming!


    Beer contains female hormones! Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones! Last month, Montreal University and scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.

    To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 pints
    of beer within a one (1) hour period.

    It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects,
    yes, 100% of all these men:
    1) Argued over nothing.
    2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
    3) Gained weight.
    4) Talked excessively without making sense.
    5) Became overly emotional
    6) Couldn't drive.
    7) Failed to think rationally, and
    8) Had to sit down while urinating.

    No further testing was considered necessary!

  2. #2
    Elite JOMO's Avatar
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    Re: joke thread

    The Two Priests!

    Two priest's were taking a piss in the urinals one day and the one priest looks down and see's a nicotine patch on the other guy's dick. He says "Im not really a rocket scientist or anything, but, isnt that supposed to be on your arm?" And the other priest goes "Nah, it's working fine. Im down to two butts a day"!
    "There are only two days in the year nothing can be done. One is called yesterday and the other is called tomorrow"

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    Elite Lulu66's Avatar
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    Re: joke thread

    Rolf...lmao
    US Goverment Policy: If It Ain't Broken, Fix It Till It Is.

  4. #4
    Senior Member curls's Avatar
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    Re: joke thread

    YOU'RE PROBABLY NOT INTERESTED IN USED FARM EQUIPMENT, BUT YOU MIGHT ENJOY THIS AD TAKEN FROM CRAIG'S LIST.

    FIFTY YEAR OLD MANURE SPREADER - $1 (WASHINGTON, DC)

    Fifty-year old manure spreader. Not sure of brand. Said to have been produced in Kenya. Used for a few years in Indonesia before being smuggled into the US via Hawaii. Of questionable pedigree. Does not appear to have ever been worked hard. Apparently, it was pampered by various owners over the years. It doesn't work very often, but when it does it can sling "crap" for amazing distances. I am hoping to retire the manure spreader this November. I really don't want it hanging around getting in the way. I would prefer a foreign buyer to relocate the manure spreader out of the country. I would be willing to trade it for a nicely framed copy of the United States Constitution.
    Location: Currently being stored in a big white house in Washington, D.C.

  5. #5
    Veteran BigGameHunter's Avatar
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    Re: joke thread

    Oh shit all I know are racist jokes.

  6. #6
    Senior Member curls's Avatar
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    Re: joke thread

    Quote of the year...

    "Thanking Obama for killing Bin Laden is like going into McDonalds and thanking Ronald McDonald for the hamburger.
    It's the guy cooking the burger that should get the credit, not the clown."

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    Elite Bro Bundy's Avatar
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    Re: joke thread

    jack and jill went up the hill both with a buck and a quarter..jill came down with $2.50 that ****in whore

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    Re: joke thread

    Originally Posted by Brother Bundy View Post
    jack and jill went up the hill both with a buck and a quarter..jill came down with $2.50 that ****in whore
    Andrew Dice Clay..Classic!
    "There are only two days in the year nothing can be done. One is called yesterday and the other is called tomorrow"

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    Re: joke thread

    Originally Posted by JOMO View Post
    Andrew Dice Clay..Classic!
    I knew u would get that lol

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    Re: joke thread

    good old mother goose remember her....I ****ed her

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    Re: joke thread

    Lol thanks I needd that!

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    Veteran BigGameHunter's Avatar
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    Re: joke thread

    How do you make 3lbs of fat look sexy?


    Add a nipple.

  13. #13
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    Re: joke thread

    Originally Posted by BigGameHunter View Post
    How do you make 3lbs of fat look sexy?


    Add a nipple.
    I agree lol

  14. #14
    Senior Member curls's Avatar
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    Re: joke thread

    How is a pussy like a grapefruit?
    The best ones squirt when you eat them.

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    Re: joke thread

    What is the difference between a bitch and a whore?

    A whore ****s everyone in town. A bitch ****s everyone but you.

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    Re: joke thread

    ONE FOR THE LADY SI MEMBERS

    What does a married woman do with her asshole when she has sex?

    She leaves him at home.

  17. #17
    Senior Member curls's Avatar
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    Re: joke thread

    Why do Jewish men like to watch porno movies backwards?

    They like the part where the hooker gives the money back.

  18. #18
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    Re: joke thread

    Originally Posted by curls View Post
    Why do Jewish men like to watch porno movies backwards?

    They like the part where the hooker gives the money back.
    Oh God Damn thats good.

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    Re: joke thread

    What was the best thing about the Cash for Clunkers program?

    It got all the Obama/Biden stickers off the road.

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    Re: joke thread

    A woman walks into a store, and asks the man at the counter; "Where are the batteries?" He replies; "Come this way." (while gesturing with his finger for her to follow). She responds; "If I could come that way I wouldn't need the batteries."

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