sorry in advance..

[andy]

This one's gonna be a relationship one, since I have no where to go with my problems or talk to, cause people talk all the ****ing time they just can't shut up and keep secrets and I don't wanna sound like a crying bitch or badmouth anyone.

So basically me and my gf had our up's and down's , long story short because of this covid situation I wasn't able to go on our planned trip ,so I did let her alone with our good friends for a week to greece-zakinthos.. beautifull place btw! so bummed I didn't went cause otherwise I should sit 2weeks isolated and I'm working with clients all time. This year treats us all bad...
I thought because of the facts that I didn't moan once and left all of the shit in me and let her on a trip no questions ofcourse I took deal of all the finances for her that she could enjoy her holiday. nontheless she got drunk on one of those nights , dances with a guy. they kissed multiple times even when strangers I don't even know said them they can't , your BF is waiting u home.

She told it to me her self so I can give her that atleast.

I'm talking about girl I'm together already 3 years and planned to marry her next year and have kids. so ****. what the **** do I do now?
I mean I get that there's my partial fault but this is some bs ..

also the ****ing basement collapsed - lucky no one got hurt , alteast it keeps me occupied while I fix it or half of the house goes down.
also building our place from the scrap since we expanding our apartment.

 

[Sicwun88]

Hope everything works out with your basement? Trust No bitch!
Nice guys finish last!
Just lil things I go by to keep things honest w myself!!! Hang in there brother!!!

 

[CJ]

You'll have to ask yourself... did I know that she's like this? Were there signs that I just wanted to ignore?

Or was it one of those... 'Shit just happens sometimes, it really wasn't that bad' events.

Could simply be the mix of being in an exotic far off land, the fun of partying/getting away from covid, missing you for not being there...And alcohol added to that mix, which as we all know can cause some problems. We've all made dumb choices while drinking.

She did tell you though, so maybe it was just one of those things that happen. She didn't try to hide it, she must feel bad.

 

[Boytoy]

That really sucks man. Relationships can really **** with your head and heart.

I have never JUST kissed a drunk girl from the bar.

 

[Jin]

You said some of the fault was yours. What fault do you see yourself having?

 

[Jin]

That really sucks man. Relationships can really **** with your head and heart.

I have never JUST kissed a drunk girl from the bar.

Sure, but you are a man.

 

[Tiny]

So she left under the presumption you and her were in a monogamous relationship and she broke that trust. Is this the basic outline of the situation?

You need to decide if that trust can be rebuilt, plain and simple. If so, great, move on and build from there. Just try to be as detached / unemotional as possible when deciding and the person's general character becomes much clearer.

Good luck and good on you for seeking input

 

[CohibaRobusto]

My wife and I are married x15 yrs now. When we first got together, I was the jealous type and something like this would have ruined our relationship.

I'm not sure exaclty when it happened, but over time I changed. I realized that my love for her was much deeper than any kind of physical/sexual act that my former self would have looked at as betrayal.

We're humans. Humans are sexual. It doesn't seem right to constantly deny that energy or control someone. This is a different perspective than a lot of people have. I get that. It's not for everyone.

 

[andy]

You said some of the fault was yours. What fault do you see yourself having?

in our first year of being together there was ocassions when I was texting with other girl's , I never had long term relationships so it was tough, not coveimg my behavior and the way I acted, it was still a shit thing to do. You should never send naughty texts to other girls while having relationship... , the problem is I consider myself a good catch and I understand that and she does too. She still can't get over what happened then. I made her paranoid with that idea as itself also It always comes up when we fight. So basically it could be all my fault , I could set up a time-bomb from the beginning already.
She was so afraid of what I'm gonna do being this week at home all alone but she ****ed it up bad.

 

[CJ]

Call it even, start over fresh. Both of you get over it, neither bring it up ever again, but agree that if either does something again, it's over.

 

[DEADlifter]

It's good to get it off your chest. That's one of the best things about this community. You can get feedback from people with vastly different histories.

Personally, it would eat at me from the inside out. So, I'd have to call it quits.

If you're strong enough, mentally and emotionally, and care enough about her to get past it then keep her. If not, you'd be only postponing the inevitable by trying to work it out.

Good luck on the girl and the basement.

 

[Boytoy]

Sure, but you are a man.

True and sure that guy was a lot more of a gentleman than myself.

We have all done dumb shit under the influence. Would just get her to control her drinking and forget about it. Or bang her friend. First advice would be better though

 

[Robdjents]

Have you and her tried counseling...it saved my marriage..might help you too..sorry you're going through some stuff bud hamg in there

 

[dk8594]

In what I've experienced, and what I have seen in others, once trust is broken it never gets back to where it was.

If it was me, it would be over. Otherwise, I'd feel an ongoing obligation to be a part-time detective, which isn't who I'd want to be.

 

[j2048b]

Honestly listen, IF she cant forgive you for something u did 3 yrs ago, (bad, but not as bad as physically cheating) and it STILL comes up every time u fight.... She obviously cannot trust you, and she did this out of spite, revenge etc..... She knew what she was doing, drunk or not, she figured F it, he can do crap so can i...... Its written all over this......


Id honestly ask myself:

do i think id like to marry this person, or even have kids with her???

Will she ever trust me again?

Can i ever honestly trust her again

Will u ever forgive her, or bring this up every time u fight?

Will she ever forgive you??? Or continue to hold it over ur head the rest of ur lifes????

Deep stuff to answer because it will continue to effect ur lives....

 

[Joliver]

Wouldn't marry her. You can forgive her while sending her out the door. If you accept that behavior and reward it with forgiveness... you'll get more of it.

Women like power. I can't think of a more impotent thing to do than to "forgive" her after you paid for her vacation and she ran around on you with other men. In the coming months, she'll end up making it your fault anyway..."you chose work and clients over me." Boot her ass.

Edit: Always remember...open hand keeps you of jail. It's in the constitution.

 

[Bobbyloads]

I know a lot of people’s opinions on here will be different then mine but that’s just the way I am.

If they was me I would of offered her to go as well expecting her to say no i won’t if it’s not with you. If she went she wound if came back to being single.

You are different you let her go and you were cool with it. If she did that there is prob more she ain’t tell you and if you stayed cause you have to work and make money and she goes gets drunk and hooks up with someone that’s ****ed up.

My opinion she needs to go and you need to find someone that respects you more than this bullshit. You will never forget about this and it’s unfair. People should not be in a committed relationship that are not ready to be faithful and stick together she should of never went to begin with.

Good luck with what ever you decide and sorry you have to deal with this.

 

[andy]

Thanks you all.. I would usually listen to my intuition but then there's the logical part .. I'm 33, I have to start up thinking about family in some time soon shouldn't I.. I almost finished our apartment looks really nice and the finance part is finally good.
This is so ****ed we recently just talked about out plans for the future - marriage, kids etc.
I just kept silent when she told me that yesturday cause i didn't know what to say to her I was shocked and did not expect that... also and there's no sense of just ranting in my opinion.

I'm blessed you guys are so cool about me poring my heart out, this is some heavy shit I just needed to share otherwise I might explode. There's so much lately I'm keeping to myself and it's boiling up in me - all the fights we had I just keep shut and hope she will chill down but I feel i could go crazy at times and at one point I will snap. I don't like me being all crazy and out of control.. I hate the feeling

The basement roof is good. it held long enough for us to do a good base under it. gonna keep for another 100 years. lol

 

[snake]

Doesn't matter what anyone thinks and no one should judge. It is going to boil down to if you both can honestly get over it. I wouldn't handle it very well myself. I don't think you have any blame in this but then again, it's what you think, not me or anyone else. Follow your heart and gut on this and you will be fine.

 

[andy]

The real problem is , though im 33 and full grown man I'm afraid I could go in self pitty , get lazy. I know me and I'm afraid of it. I really take things too close to the heart sometimes I know that. While other guy could say "**** that Imma live life better than before" I could just start destructing myself and my mind. Sorry for dramatizing so much.