F-ing C

[Gabriel]

We all know people who have been effected by Cancer,friends,family,co-workers..But it still cuts deep..Theres a local pub 2 miles from my house I occasionally go to just for the fellowship and they all love the ..so long story short..made a friend there and his wife has been battling..more like loosing the fight..well thanks to another A-hole Dr. was missed diagnosis..and entered stage 4..and if you know anything that's a death sentence..I mean No light left in her eyes..they Chemoed it right out..just got a reply from numerous unanswered text.. Heart attack.. can't talk..days left.. She actually was working all this time because she needed the insurance..Makes me mad as hell typing this that our system is so broken that she had to continue to work..I didn't know that each treatment of chemo is 25k..Just felt like venting..he has gone through what my girl is starting to go through now..After seeing this,seeing him crushed.. I'm not at all sure I can do this to my girl..I wouldn't wish his pain on anyone..and sure as hell NOT someone I care about..She has been Golden this last down time that I'm still having trouble with..but the look in her eyes is not as promising as before..each time it's harder and longer to return to my feet..This perspective my friend has allowed me to observe has me wondering...has me Questioning..I will never stop fighting..to beat this..but even I see the wear on others now..I can't consciously cause pain to people I care for..I just can't..I need to find a solution before much longer..Moreover,I need get some of these other problems fixed,that Dr.s are dragging their feet on..They may have time I don't..Or I won't have to worry about C killing me..because I won't live long enough..
Rant Over

 

[NbleSavage]

Mate, I can't imagine what yer going through right now personally, and like you said I'd not wish cancer on anyone but I'll let ye think on this: ye go out on yer fookin' shield.

If this Lass is with ye, its ride or die. Ye quit on yerself, ye lose even the chance of turning things around. I've lost people close to me - not to cancer, but to violence and I damn well knew in each case they'd have never traded a minute even if they knew how it was going ta' end.

Get a plan together with yer Doc or get a new Doc if this one ain't worth their salt. Get yer Lass involved - make her hold ye to it when ye feel like ye can't hold yerself, but be the man she sees ye for and if ye go down ye go down swinging. She'll respect ye fer it.

"And you still owe me for the Nikes you do not get to just die..."

 

[Gabriel]

It's the slow grind.. day in day out..these last few yrs on disability has been a cluster of Dr.s,BS,pills out the A

 

[The Phoenix]

It's the slow grind.. day in day out..these last few yrs on disability has been a cluster of Dr.s,BS,pills out the A

I’m so sorry bro; I know understand your situation.

 

[Gabriel]

Seeing my friend go through this knowing my girl is just starting down that path..Makes me see things differently..You can't do a Damn thing to ease their pain.. It's easy to get C..the Heroes are the caretakers..but at what cost?? She is having problems now dealing with the situation.. it's a bad position for me..I am getting sicker every wk and need the help.. but after seeing the toll on my friend..I am unsure what path to take..I could push her away knowing in time she will be better off.. Yeah that's shitty of me..But that look in her eyes when I can't get around or face down in the dirt out cold.. I'm not comfortable dragging her thru the life ahead of me.. I'm OKay with my fate.. it's just another part of life,mine Not hers!!
I think of just leaving a note and hauling ass one day..but that sucks too..what a chicken shit thing that would be of me..I just don't think there is an easy way out...the only solution is to beat the Beast..maybe that's the only path..I mean no one plans for this..I mean Bam..You have C..
Sorry.. I can't imagine what my friend is going thru but I sure as hell don't want to cause that my girl that kind of pain... That's just not an option..

 

[creekrat]

Man, I can’t even remotely fathom your situation but what I can say is that you both need to be open and completely honest. It’s ok if it’s too much for her and she needs to know that admitting that and asking for/needing a short break is ok as well. As for pushing her away, that needs to be her choice but you have to make her know that you’ll love her no matter what and that you can’t fault her if she were to throw in the towel.

 

[TeddyBear]

It may not be worth much to you.
but I’ll be praying.
hang in there. Lost my dad to cancer this year at 56.
it was hard to see, but we appreciated the ability to close lose ends, say goodbye, and love him well.

 

[Gabriel]

No it means alot
Thanks

 

[Jin]

Being more concerned about others’ comfort as you die means you’ve done something right with your life.

In your corner until the end my friend.

 

[Beserker]

I lost my mother to C. She was stage 4 when diagnosed, the C was 100% terminal. They gave her 3 months tops. She lived 3 years, and it was the toughest thing to take her to the chemo sessions and watch her waste away... but she fought that mother****er like a champ to the point of rewriting the treatment for it. I wouldn’t trade a second of time with her as hard as it was. Don’t push anyone away, it’s tough to see the pain in other people, but it hurts us even more to be pushed away or rejected when we’re in it for the long haul. Keep fighting and remember that love conquers all brother!

 

[tinymk]

Lost both my parents to cancer, reasonable young when they passed and I have had a short bout with it. Not a fan, but I am a fan of those fighting! Sorry to hear about your friends fight and respect to you my friend.

 

[Blacktail]

Being more concerned about others’ comfort as you die means you’ve done something right with your life.

In your corner until the end my friend.

this is 100% true! A good person puts others long before themselves, and it looks to me like you are a great person! We will always be here for you brother.