Came clean to the wife about hiding trt. Drama!

[Uncle manny]

I’ve been on trt a little under 2 years now and have been keeping it from my wife until yesterday she found a drawing needle I left out and asked about it. I didn’t respond and came clean when I got home. There’s a bit of a back story...

So a few months before deciding on trt, me and my wife were at our worst constantly fighting. I had went to the urologist and he prescribed me clomid for low T and I think that kinda made our relationship even worse considering the emotional side effects and constant fighting. I mentioned to her just going on trt and she wasn’t for it. She said I was too young(30 at the time) and the side effects can be bad when I’m older. So that’s why I went with clomid. We ended up splitting up. She moved in with her parents for2 months before we got back together. During that time started trt and never looked back. We got back together and things have been great but I decided to keep the trt to myself.

I came clean and she was shocked the fact I was able to keep that from her for almost 2 years. She said she’s not against trt and is understanding of it. That’s now that we’re good but I didn’t trust such a good response when we just got back together. She said she would have been ok with it then but I clearly remember her response when we were at each other’s throats.

Now she came at me today saying how she can’t trust me and can’t believe I could hide that for so long and what else can I hide from her. This changed her concept of me and she doesn’t know how to feel. A part of this stems from when we were dating I was talking to my ex a lot behind her back and I hid it from her. I wasn’t ****ing my ex or anything like that, I literally left my ex for my wife and felt so horrible about it cuz it kinda came out of now where and my ex and I had plans to marry in the future. I’d hit her up and talk to her to see how she’s doing. I know very dumb of me but didn’t know better at the time. My wife found all these convos via email of my ex and I just a few weeks before we got married and my wife was pregnant. Now the convos were almost a year old but something I hid from my wife and she was really upset about it and it ducked up our relationship pretty bad.

shes getting a similar feeling of wow you hid that from me I can’t trust you again. She was telling me she doesn’t want to have move kids with me cuz she doesn’t trust me and doesn’t want to have another pregnancy where she’s not trusting of me and having bad feelings. We were planning on having our second once she gets a job. She graduates with her masters in a few weeks. So we were planning on having one somewhat soon.

I get how she feels. But I’m like camon give me a break. I’m very good to her I take good care of her and my son and she’s been in school the past 3 years right after we got married and I’ve been holding them down the best I can it’s been very tough in this demographic with one income especially when youre self employed. I do nothing but work and rush to take care of my son so she could do her school work. I don’t hang out I don’t really have female friends. I’m straight as an arrow in all regards. So I’m a bit offended that she says she can’t trust me cuz of this.

it’s a long one I know. Just curious to see any feedback...

 

[Jin]

She made it unsafe for you to chose what was best for your health.

You made her feel unloved by hiding multiple things from her.

Both of your perspectives are sound IMO.

Let her talk, validate her feelings of rejection and insecurity. Don’t defend yourself.

When she’s said all she needs to say and you talk: Focus on actions and feelings, not on her. “It felt unsafe for me to chose health when you made a stand against trt”.

Tell her you’re sorry that she feels she cannot trust you and that you want her to feel accepted and loved.

Time will
heal this. You haven’t really done anything wrong but you have hurt your wife’s feelings.

She’ll come around.

 

[The Tater]

Dang Manny. That’s a tough one. I mean you’ve done some things in the past to raise her suspicions and the trt thing just added to that. I feel for you. My wife knows I’m on trt but she has no idea I blast. I think she has her suspicions but she doesn’t ask.

Just keep talking with her, keep the communication open and give it time. It will take time.

 

[Send0]

I agree with Jin and Tater... however she's also mixing separate issues. One issue involves your health, and action you had to take because she put you in a situation where you had to hide it. The other issue involves a past relationship and love interest. The reason for deception in these two situations are very different. If she would have been supportive, or at least open to listening and investigating hormone replacement, then you would never have needed to hide anything of the first place.

Now how do you get her to understand your explanation for hiding this is an entirely different story. This is the part where I always fall on my face. If someone can figure this part out then please share the wealth :32 (1):

 

[CohibaRobusto]

The only thing I think you did wrong was not communicate directly about the trt early on. I don't think it's a big deal, she is just associating it with past things that upset her. She will calm down eventually. I've never heard of a woman leaving a man because he needed trt. I guess it could happen, but it seems crazy.

Wy wife and therapist are on my ass about going to a doctor for my trt constantly. I just tell them "nope, not at this point in time." I think it makes people mad sometimes when they can't control you. There could be some of that going on here as well.

 

[MrInsensitive]

I’ve been on trt a little under 2 years now and have been keeping it from my wife until yesterday she found a drawing needle I left out and asked about it. I didn’t respond and came clean when I got home. There’s a bit of a back story...

So a few months before deciding on trt, me and my wife were at our worst constantly fighting. I had went to the urologist and he prescribed me clomid for low T and I think that kinda made our relationship even worse considering the emotional side effects and constant fighting. I mentioned to her just going on trt and she wasn’t for it. She said I was too young(30 at the time) and the side effects can be bad when I’m older. So that’s why I went with clomid. We ended up splitting up. She moved in with her parents for2 months before we got back together. During that time started trt and never looked back. We got back together and things have been great but I decided to keep the trt to myself.

I came clean and she was shocked the fact I was able to keep that from her for almost 2 years. She said she’s not against trt and is understanding of it. That’s now that we’re good but I didn’t trust such a good response when we just got back together. She said she would have been ok with it then but I clearly remember her response when we were at each other’s throats.

Now she came at me today saying how she can’t trust me and can’t believe I could hide that for so long and what else can I hide from her. This changed her concept of me and she doesn’t know how to feel. A part of this stems from when we were dating I was talking to my ex a lot behind her back and I hid it from her. I wasn’t ****ing my ex or anything like that, I literally left my ex for my wife and felt so horrible about it cuz it kinda came out of now where and my ex and I had plans to marry in the future. I’d hit her up and talk to her to see how she’s doing. I know very dumb of me but didn’t know better at the time. My wife found all these convos via email of my ex and I just a few weeks before we got married and my wife was pregnant. Now the convos were almost a year old but something I hid from my wife and she was really upset about it and it ducked up our relationship pretty bad.

shes getting a similar feeling of wow you hid that from me I can’t trust you again. She was telling me she doesn’t want to have move kids with me cuz she doesn’t trust me and doesn’t want to have another pregnancy where she’s not trusting of me and having bad feelings. We were planning on having our second once she gets a job. She graduates with her masters in a few weeks. So we were planning on having one somewhat soon.

I get how she feels. But I’m like camon give me a break. I’m very good to her I take good care of her and my son and she’s been in school the past 3 years right after we got married and I’ve been holding them down the best I can it’s been very tough in this demographic with one income especially when youre self employed. I do nothing but work and rush to take care of my son so she could do her school work. I don’t hang out I don’t really have female friends. I’m straight as an arrow in all regards. So I’m a bit offended that she says she can’t trust me cuz of this.

it’s a long one I know. Just curious to see any feedback...

you gotta bite the bullet man. Yes you’re justified in keeping it from her when on the rocks. But that window of opportunity has passed.
please, trust what Jin said. He’s right on point.
validate her feelings. Admit you’re wrong and even make her feel like you’re guilty. Once you get here, you have skipped months of fighting and growing hateful to each other.
GO STRAIGHT FOR THE JUGULAR! beg for forgiveness, confess you’re wrong and you feel awful about it.
tell her you want nothing more than her and her babies for the rest of your lives.
now go be the hero!

 

[Bobbyloads]

That’s why I just tell my wife shit if I didn’t she would find out right away even with coke if I do a key bump she knows right away.

You also stated you don’t really have any female friends what does not really mean?

The whole her moving out for 2 months as well is not a good sign.

If you love her wanna be with her listen to Jin’s advice.

 

[Uncle manny]

Great responses guys I value and appreciate them!

I definitely faulted right off the bat with getting defensive as you can even see in my post it’s pretty clear. I guess I entitled myself to have her not feel any way about it just cuz I made sure to be as transparent as can be after the first time I fked up and this is something different. Reality is, that’s not how things work. She has feelings and I hurt them plain and simple. It is what it is about her relating that to something different. I’ll just keep moving forward and be more understanding and apologetic. Definitely not defensive as I realize that shits not gunna be good for any one.

She tends to over react at first like its the end of the world but I’m sure she’ll warm up as time goes by if I’m sincere.


Bobby- I threw that out there guess cuz I was venting. She knows a lot about my past and having female friends/ clients and hanging out then one thing leads to another. We met at a gym and I was the new trainer there so I got around a lil bit. So the female friends I have I keep it pretty dry. Old friends it’s no big deal but new friends and clients I make sure they’re kept at respectable distance.

 

[Jin]

It’s not about right and wrong. It’s about how they made each other feel. They’re both right from their own perspectives. And even from my (more) objective perspective.

Deal with they way you feel not with the other persons actions or character. That way the other person won’t get defensive.

“When you did X, I felt Y” type statements.

 

[BrotherIron]

Listen to her, reassure her that you're doing this for your health, and don't be defensive.

I gotta admit, that's our 1 rule (my wife and me)... ALWAYS be upfront about everything (don't hide anything). Trust is incredibly fragile and very important so always be upfront to your sig other.

 

[creekrat]

"Look babe, I got on TRT when you moved out and once you came back home I hid it like a fool because of how you said you felt about it before. Regardless of how you felt about it, I was wrong to keep that from you. I know I have done things that affected your trust in me in the past and I realize that by hiding this from you it was no different. Would you like to discuss why I'm on TRT and look at the benefits from it together? I'm sorry and hope you can find a way to forgive me."

Lay it on the table and ask for forgiveness but realize that just because you ask it doesn't mean she will. Do your part to show her you know you ****ed up. Offer to help educate her on why you went on and what the benefits are. How you felt before and after starting.

My wife has known from the get go about my trt and the few cycles I've run. Initially she wasn't to fond of my blasts but I think she's come around to it more. Hell, she even had me get her some var and is considering primo which surprised the hell out of me.

 

[BRICKS]

And that's why I don't guide things from my wife. She can get upset, but she'll get over it. What she won't get over us a breach of trust. Exactly the " what else are you hiding" question. In your defense you started thus when you were split up but personally I would have told her sooner. Fellas, no need to put yourself un a vulnerable position if having your integrity questioned. Wives get pissed. Don't know if any wife whose head exploded over it. You did the deed, consequences follow. Minimize the consequences. Just my two cents FWIW.

 

[Mhenshaw]

... Trust is incredibly fragile and very important so always be upfront to your sig other.

Preach it Brother... I learned this the hard way.

 

[#TheMatrix]

Not swim said it happened and he said, your self treating because it's easier to get drugs (medicine) on the street than the pharmacy.

And he's right. Why the **** should I go to some guy who is just going to google shit and prescribe me what google said. Sure he will monitor you. But won't you monitor yourself anyway?

And you won't flag your medical record. But for sure tell her you admit the mistake of hiding it, but doesn't change the fact that your going to continue. And that your relieved that it's out.

The stigma behind roid and rage is probably what she fears.


If she tells you to sleep on the couch. You can crash at jins place.

 

[Uncle manny]

Quick update…. All is good. I just had to be understanding of how she felt and not get defensive and let some time pass. She’s accepted it and everything’s going well.

 

[Send0]

Quick update…. All is good. I just had to be understanding of how she felt and not get defensive and let some time pass. She’s accepted it and everything’s going well.

Not being negative, but keep a close eye on this... and be receptive to if her attitude is changing. I've had girls say they are cool on other personal decisions I've made for myself, only for them to throw it in my face later.

Basically I'm saying pay attention to her mood, and pre-emptively make her feel like a queen if it looks like she's getting grumpy with you.

 

[#TheMatrix]

Not being negative, but keep a close eye on this... and be receptive to if her attitude is changing. I've had girls say they are cool on other personal decisions I've made for myself, only for them to throw it in my face later.

Basically I'm saying pay attention to her mood, and pre-emptively make her feel like a queen if it looks like she's getting grumpy with you.

I think there was a guy on the board whose girl used it to try and get him with the cops.

 

[snake]

Brother, I offer little but I can tell you, my wife only knows about my TRT and only that. Yeah, maybe my day is coming too. I thought about it a lot but you're only TRT, that's a lot different.

I assume you guys are fairly younger but what if she needed HRT while dealing with menopause?

TRT and your honesty isn't the real problem. If she's well educated, she she should have researched it enough to know not to be putting you in a situation where you had to hide it.

Just my opinion but be open and I hope you guys get over this

 

[snake]

Quick update…. All is good. I just had to be understanding of how she felt and not get defensive and let some time pass. She’s accepted it and everything’s going well.

Sweet!

Flowers in a vase tomorrow, do the dishes, bang her good that night but don't let your guard down. Lol

 

[Janoy Cresva]

What's the big deal, it's only test. Juss a lil' treat, don't be mad wife!