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This is sort of a coming clean kind of post, feel free to tell me how stupid I am, as I am aware but probably not aware enough.
This is my second year in the gym, and I became absolutely obsessed this year. Last year (winter/spring2023) I started hitting the gym 3+ times a week and learning. A few months in I was hooked, addicted to the pump, the mental benefits and the newbie gains. Last winter I decided to get serious about it so I stopped most processed foods, all added sugar, soy, preservatives, and most things that can be contaminated with roundup. I figured if I'm not gonna take steroids, then I have to eat super clean to optimize my natural T levels. I started by eating pretty balanced, lots of sweet potatoes, white potatoes, squash, rice, high quality meat, and whey. Over time, I realized I was unable to get the calories I needed from those so I went to just white rice.
Long story short, in the past 10-11 months I have ate almost nothing but white rice, grass fed beef and chicken, avocados, whey protein, and vegetables when I'm not being a lazy piece of shit. I us. As well as alot of supplements. I have made quite a bit of visual progress in the gym, more than i ever thought i would, and I am very proud of that. So i am essentially extremely tied to that, mentally. You may have seen my other posts where I was getting very concerned about losing all my progress after one or 2 days of screwing up my nutrition. That is the type of obsessive person that I can be.
my restrictive diet is probably not the healthiest. And moreover, I am getting very burnt out of it, very often I feel like i have absolutely no appetite at all, and I just force it anyway because I know i need the calories. The obvious answer is just to stop being so restrictive and autistic about it and start eating a more healthy diet. I think its actually causing me to be very mentally distressed because i feel dependent, like im chained to this diet. and if i screw up for a day or i dont get all my protein for a day or 2 then all my gym progress is gone because im going catabolic. Its causing me to slack on other areas of my life because of this. But I am unwilling to let my gym or physique progress slip.
I gotta do something different while also not losing my progress. I know this is fucking autistic but its the predicament I have put myself in and I would appreciate any advice.
My reasoning is that If i need to eat 3700-4000 calories a day, I have to be able to fit all the food, which has been a struggle if you dont eat fried and sugary shit. Its very hard to get 4000 calories eating squash as your carb source. White rice is high carb, and fast digesting, so thats why I exclusively have been eating that.
This is my second year in the gym, and I became absolutely obsessed this year. Last year (winter/spring2023) I started hitting the gym 3+ times a week and learning. A few months in I was hooked, addicted to the pump, the mental benefits and the newbie gains. Last winter I decided to get serious about it so I stopped most processed foods, all added sugar, soy, preservatives, and most things that can be contaminated with roundup. I figured if I'm not gonna take steroids, then I have to eat super clean to optimize my natural T levels. I started by eating pretty balanced, lots of sweet potatoes, white potatoes, squash, rice, high quality meat, and whey. Over time, I realized I was unable to get the calories I needed from those so I went to just white rice.
Long story short, in the past 10-11 months I have ate almost nothing but white rice, grass fed beef and chicken, avocados, whey protein, and vegetables when I'm not being a lazy piece of shit. I us. As well as alot of supplements. I have made quite a bit of visual progress in the gym, more than i ever thought i would, and I am very proud of that. So i am essentially extremely tied to that, mentally. You may have seen my other posts where I was getting very concerned about losing all my progress after one or 2 days of screwing up my nutrition. That is the type of obsessive person that I can be.
my restrictive diet is probably not the healthiest. And moreover, I am getting very burnt out of it, very often I feel like i have absolutely no appetite at all, and I just force it anyway because I know i need the calories. The obvious answer is just to stop being so restrictive and autistic about it and start eating a more healthy diet. I think its actually causing me to be very mentally distressed because i feel dependent, like im chained to this diet. and if i screw up for a day or i dont get all my protein for a day or 2 then all my gym progress is gone because im going catabolic. Its causing me to slack on other areas of my life because of this. But I am unwilling to let my gym or physique progress slip.
I gotta do something different while also not losing my progress. I know this is fucking autistic but its the predicament I have put myself in and I would appreciate any advice.
My reasoning is that If i need to eat 3700-4000 calories a day, I have to be able to fit all the food, which has been a struggle if you dont eat fried and sugary shit. Its very hard to get 4000 calories eating squash as your carb source. White rice is high carb, and fast digesting, so thats why I exclusively have been eating that.
yeahhhh what 
