Emotional Damage

[Jenn_is_Jenning]

I want to talk about something and it might be a stupid thing to ask, but sometimes things like this give me a better understanding when otherwise I'd just be in a world of confusion.

Have you ever been hurt very badly by someone?
Most people can say yes to that question.

How did you deal with it?

Have you ever badly hurt someone else?
How did you deal with the guilt from it?

I've obviously been burned in my life. But when I learn about things, I can better make peace with the situations I've been in.

For example, when I was involved with a narcissist, I could learn about the behavior and things stopped hurting because I knew it was THEM and I knew they treated everyone poorly. .

But what I can't comprehend is how someone who isn't a bad person could knowingly inflict emotional pain on another person and to not let the guilt consume them.

But back to my first question of how you dealt with it.

Were you just irritable for a while and eventually it went away? Did you have people you could hang with to distract you? Did you just lift heavy shit until it stopped feeling badly?

I've been told this isn't the place for me to have these types of discussions, but I suppose any guidance I get couldn't hurt.

 

[Send0]

I want to talk about something and it might be a stupid thing to ask, but sometimes things like this give me a better understanding when otherwise I'd just be in a world of confusion.

Have you ever been hurt very badly by someone?
Most people can say yes to that question.

How did you deal with it?

Have you ever badly hurt someone else?
How did you deal with the guilt from it?

I've obviously been burned in my life. But when I learn about things, I can better make peace with the situations I've been in.

For example, when I was involved with a narcissist, I could learn about the behavior and things stopped hurting because I knew it was THEM and I knew they treated everyone poorly. .

But what I can't comprehend is how someone who isn't a bad person could knowingly inflict emotional pain on another person and to not let the guilt consume them.

But back to my first question of how you dealt with it.

Were you just irritable for a while and eventually it went away? Did you have people you could hang with to distract you? Did you just lift heavy shit until it stopped feeling badly?

I've been told this isn't the place for me to have these types of discussions, but I suppose any guidance I get couldn't hurt.

I deal with it in an unhealthy way, and come out the other end heathier.

Basically I blame and hate myself, whether that be because it's 100% my own fault, or because I allowed it to happen to me despite me seeing what was going on. I scrutinize and analyze what I could have done differently.

This sounds healthy, but in between all those steps is a bunch of self loathing and self hatred until I figure out how the fuck I got there in the first place.

 

[Diesel59]

Have you ever been hurt very badly by someone?
Most people can say yes to that question.

Like most people, yes.

How did you deal with it?

A combination of doubting myself and resenting the person (in some cases).

Have you ever badly hurt someone else?
How did you deal with the guilt from it?

I'm honestly not sure. Not that I know of. If I did, I'd feel guilty about it.

Were you just irritable for a while and eventually it went away? Did you have people you could hang with to distract you?

It usually would go away over the course of a year or two. Hanging with friends definitely helps, but so does hanging out alone and immersing myself in hobbies that I enjoy. And as strange as it sounds, working a lot also helps because it forces me to focus on work and not my feelings.

Also, finding a woman who interests me beyond what a previous woman did helps more than anything.

Did you just lift heavy shit until it stopped feeling badly?

No, because I am not that strong.

 

[6FeetFromTheEdge]

Chris Daughtry said it best:

When you slammed the front door shut, a lot of others opened up.

 

[Andrewgen_Receptors]

what I can't comprehend is how someone who isn't a bad person could knowingly inflict emotional pain on another person and to not let the guilt consume them

Offense cannot be given, it can only be taken.

Learning to accept who you are, as an imperfect being, is a good start.

 

[bvs]

I get really depressed, cry a lot and get self destructive

But recently I've been seeing a therapist after my last horrible relationship and it has been one of the hardest, but also most productive things I have done

 

[Jenn_is_Jenning]

I get really depressed, cry a lot and get self destructive

I relate to this. Sometimes it feels like I'll just cry my life away and I'll never be able to feel better.

It's good that a therapist has been able to help you, though.

I've been to a few, but it never seemed to change anything for me.

 

[Andrewgen_Receptors]

Offense cannot be given, it can only be taken.

Learning to accept who you are, as an imperfect being, is a good start.

I forgot to mention.

I'm usually the person that channels hurt into something productive. Something that will make me better.
For a long time, that was the gym, and still sometimes is. But now i just use that shit as motivation to help me make "fuck you" money.

 

[bvs]

I relate to this. Sometimes it feels like I'll just cry my life away and I'll never be able to feel better.

It's good that a therapist has been able to help you, though.

I've been to a few, but it never seemed to change anything for me.

I've been to probably 10 therapists over the years and didn't get much out of it. But ive recently found this lady who I just clicked with and it has made all the difference. The hardest part for me was being super honest about my situation and what my actual feelings were, not matter how fvckd up they are

 

[TeddyBear]

Jenn, you can dm me for delayed responses or vent sessions.

Sometimes people suck, but the truth is you decide your reaction and how to process it. It’s tough work and we don’t always succeed. We make mistakes, let the wrong people in, etc.

But don’t look at the sunk cost, instead make the right move for you, in the future.

 

[Wizbang]

.....

But what I can't comprehend is how someone who isn't a bad person could knowingly inflict emotional pain on another person and to not let the guilt consume them.

But back to my first question of how you dealt with it.

Were you just irritable for a while and eventually it went away? Did you have people you could hang with to distract you? Did you just lift heavy shit until it stopped feeling badly?

I've been told this isn't the place for me to have these types of discussions, but I suppose any guidance I get couldn't hurt.

The guilt does tend to consume them if they aren't a bad person. It is the nature and repercussion for the emotional damage inflicted, if they do not feel it they were not good to begin with.

It has to be processed in a way that is fit for you, for some a bottle, for some a drug, for some the gym...etc. The only thing that makes these sorts of things "feel" better is time. Time doesn't solve it, just simply makes it a little easier to handle as you distance yourself by the minute from that situation and involve yourself in other things and eventually accept that the situation was what it was and that you are beyond it.

 

[Jenn_is_Jenning]

I suppose I just always seem to find myself in a place where I'm in pain and the only one who can fix it is the one who caused it, but they never apologize, they never explain themselves, and they just go about their life while I lay around crying.

I am so fucking sick of feeling this way, guys. Year after year, it's like different people keep hurting me.

I try to talk to chick friends about this, but all they say is "well, he's an asshole". But it's deeper than that. And just calling the guy names doesn't fix anything inside of me.

I don't have any quick pain escape methods.

I just try to fix things with people who don't care to even know me.

And I'm technically in a great place in life. I have a great job, I love my workouts, I can afford to treat myself to things, but yet when it comes to guys I just turn into this pathetic person who has lost all integrity

 

[Thrawn]

For both questions, tried to say sorry. Then took a page from the verve and took drugs until the drugs don't work.

 

[Andrewgen_Receptors]

I suppose I just always seem to find myself in a place where I'm in pain and the only one who can fix it is the one who caused it

You can't expect other people to fix your pain, Jen. Even if they were reliable to fix it - they aren't actually capable of fixing it.

You just gotta leave shit in the past. The only direction is forward.

 

[Santa]

I started to write a bunch of shit but let’s just be simple.

Being an asshole is a choice.
Remaining a victim is a choice.

Life is short. Choose better for yourself and don’t let life pass you by. Know that sometimes people just suck. Everyone in this world is, and has been broken at some point in their lives. We are all just in different stages of recovery.

Or even more simple..

Stop being a pussy, find your strength. Find your joy.

 

[CJ]

You feel bad about it, but you have to accept that what is done is done.

There's no going back to erase the past. All we can do is learn from our mistakes, try not to repeat them, and recognize if something similar is happening to us or those around us.

 

[RISE]

Last time I was hurt was when I was 16, so I can't really relate to this as a mature man, but I'd like more info if you don't mind?

Was the emotional hurt intentional? As in he/she did something for that to be the sole reason for their actions, or was it a byproduct of an action or decision?

If it's the first reasoning, than the person is a deceiver. Or there is the possibility that there is something that you do that irks this person, to which they hold it in for it to manifest into a much larger problem that turns personal over time, which is then unleashed as such. Really there's a bunch of possibilities that could lead a person to act out of the ordinary.

If it's the latter, then the coping strategies are a bit different, but the intent needs to be established before coping can occur.

 

[TODAY]

I learned a long time ago that self-pity is paralyzing.

Evaluate the situation, learn what you can, and then MOVE ON

 

[BRICKS]

I'm very good at compartmentalizing. Learn from the situation and move on. Make getting fkd over into an opportunity. Like somebody said above, being a victim is a choice. Choose otherwise and act on that accordingly.

 

[TODAY]

Victim mentality and martyrdom are intoxicants.

They impair judgement and stymie growth while justifying themselves with the euphoria of feeling as though you're always the aggrieved party.

That shit is habit forming and it WILL drown you.