Joli's therapeutic phlebotomy

Joliver

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Where to put this? Longevity and Anti-aging??? Or Injury recovery and prevention? Well, the IR&P forum has a medical kit on it so that seems to be the best place.

THIS IS WHAT I DO. I DO NOT EXPECT ANYONE TO FOLLOW IN MY FOOTSTEPS FOR IT IS FILLED WITH DANGER WILL ROBINSON.

Things i need:

1) boiling pot of water
2) 18g needle
3) 23g needle
4) sterile tube that i got out of a catheter kit.
5) Glass/strong plastic vodka bottle (Belvedere--if you were wondering. Polish vodka is the best. The Pols have forgotten more about making vodka than the Russians ever knew. Sorry BB. I guess I could have put this in the flame forum.
6) Rubber stopper that fits in the bottle tightly
7) Ice bath
8) Tape
9) Alcohol prep wipes

Steps in my procedure (written to myself--of course):

1) Boil the bottle until it is hotter than hell.
2) Take the bottle out and immediately insert the rubber stopper.
3) Let the bottle cool to create negative pressure inside.
4) Remove the 18g needle and put the PLASTIC LOCKING END in the tube.
5) Find your target vein.
6) Take the 23g needle and insert the PLASTIC LOCKING END in the tube.
7) Uncap the 23g needle and hit the vein. (oh yeah...swab the vein with alcohol first...I nearly forgot. Dont want blood poisoning or herpes.)
8) Tape the needle down.
9) Uncap the 18g needle and push the business end through the rubber stopper of the ROOM TEMPERATURE BOTTLE.
10) Place the bottle in an ice bath to create more negative pressure.
11) Draw the amount of blood you believe to be killing you. I generally take a quarter of a pint or so.
12) Withdraw the 23g needle and apply pressure to the vein.
13) Take the contents of the bottle and pour it all over your face and stagger into the next room and tell your spouse that you messed up and that you will love them always...
14) Take nose tork to wake up spouse.
15) Say just kidding.
16) Pinch the nose to stop secondary bleeding....you don't want to lose too much in one day.
17) Have a nice evening.

I am not a bone head, so it takes about 5 minutes. It took more at first, but when I became proficient, it is an afterthought. The most time consuming part is boiling the bottle.

Why is this process is necessary: 23g is small and the blood will slowly clot and you will get nothing without good suction. I have done the gravity drain, but that required some serious grunting and push ups and such. This is fast and efficient.

Things I like to point out: The only mandatory sterile components are the 23g needle, and the tube.

Finally a personal thought: This isnt for everyone. I do this because I do not like giving in large quantities that make me weaker when lift. I also do not like the same harpoon hitting the same two damn veins every few months. If you don't want to do this, or think it's a stupid idea, move on. I am not going to stop doing it. I DO NOT THINK OTHERS SHOULD DO IT. Don't say I am not a professional when a phlebotomist's education and training can be had online and that is so damn far from professional, its ridiculous. My line is not your line. I didn't want to post this, it is because of multiple requests that I did.
 

NbleSavage

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Does someone lose a kidney and wake-up in the ice bath holding a note that says "Hi Kevlin!" during this procedure?
 

Joliver

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Does someone lose a kidney and wake-up in the ice bath holding a note that says "Hi Kevlin!" during this procedure?

Every worthwhile medical procedure has "less than noble" roots. Take Bill Frist as an example. Talented heart and lung transplant and trauma doctor in Nashville at Vandy. He has saved hundreds of lives including a Army general that would end up testifying before him while he sat as a United States senator for the great state of Tennessee. Well, he learned his early craft by adopting cats and transplanting their heart and lungs into their own brothers and sisters. He got caught after he adopted too many. It was discovered he was killing them. All's well that ends well....i guess...
 

NbleSavage

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I keed, Bro. Good on ya' for sharing your technique.
 

RJ

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So Joli you do this because if you give at a red Cross or some place like that and they take whatever amount that is it effects your strength? I'm confused just trying to grasp your why. Sounds pretty ****ing gnarley honestly. haha
 

Bro Bundy

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the russians are the best !
 

Joliver

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So Joli you do this because if you give at a red Cross or some place like that and they take whatever amount that is it effects your strength? I'm confused just trying to grasp your why. Sounds pretty ****ing gnarley honestly. haha

The learning process is BRUTAL. At least it looks that way. But the RC will take a pint. It hinders my training week. Also, they like to use huge harpoons in the arms only. That will scar the vein down. I figured it best to do it myself.
 

stonetag

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Wow brother...that's all just wow. I tried thinking of something useful or relevant! lol
 

Infantry87

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Fuk dude, if you need some IV bags that bad, then hit me up hahahaha
 

RJ

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The learning process is BRUTAL. At least it looks that way. But the RC will take a pint. It hinders my training week. Also, they like to use huge harpoons in the arms only. That will scar the vein down. I figured it best to do it myself.

Weird. Guess I've never felt any different after giving blood. And when u say scar the vein down... How and why is that bad?

Sorry for all the Qs I just love weird shit like this.
 

Joliver

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Weird. Guess I've never felt any different after giving blood. And when u say scar the vein down... How and why is that bad?

Sorry for all the Qs I just love weird shit like this.

No problem! Happy to answer the questions.

The vein has connective tissue and smooth muscle that when cut will be replaced with scar tissue. Over time, there could be occlusion of the vein, or because the vein has lost the elasticity of the smooth muscle, the vein will develop a bulb like protrusion due to the volume it must carry in the spot where they draw.

A pint of blood doesn't make much of a difference, but when I am working at, or beyond 90%, I definitely notice a difference.
 

RJ

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interesting for sure. thanks for the explanation. I will stick to the fat broads at Life South every 8 weeks. mlp
 
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How did you learn to safely insert the needle to the vein for blood extraction?
 

Joliver

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Hitting a vein is pretty intuitive. Watch the Red Cross do it. Monkey see...monkey do.

I've also changed my technique to include a quart jar (mason--if you had to know) and reversed a hand pump to create negative pressure. It takes 3 minutes now, but I have to be careful not to collapse the vein with too much suction.
 

Megatron28

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Joli: which veins do you like using? I would prefer not to use the same ones the blood banks use if I ever had to do this. I don't want them to think I am a junky and like you say, why build up scar tissue in the same veins they use.

The blood bank always puts a pressurized blood pressure cuff on my arm while I am donating. It has slipped before and slowed down the rate my blood flows out. Do you do this as well, or does the negative vacuum replace this need for this? Of so, could you try the blood pressure cuff instead of the negative vacuum tequila bottle?
 

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