Niece and her hubby

flenser

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So many people these days expect others to pay for their wedding simply because they cost a lot of money.
If they love each other, seriously .. it's not about money, or the wedding, it's about a special time for them to declare their everlasting love with friends and family.
If they truly loved each other then time has no barrier .. a couple of years, save the money, do the planning enjoy life together.

Your niece however is rush rush rush, no money, wants it all, doesn't care who she hurts. Has nothing to do with the gender in the relationship .. sounds like a pair of selfish little girls that needs to grow up and learn about reality.
It's really not like that. She was asked by friends where she was registered so they could coordinate gift buying - the standard wedding process. So she setup the go fund me page with a very small goal and told everyone there was no need for donations. And they are paying for the very low cost wedding themselves I'm told.
 

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You are right, it's clear she's deliberately causing trouble, and it's at least in part due to the family's dislike of her choice of husbands. From that perspective, it definitely is a trans debate. Also, the fact she chose to name herself after a god complete with the suffix has to be an intentional insult to her parents.

On the gift issue, I wouldn't lie about it. If she can't keep it to herself, so be it. I'm just hoping she will get it that I don't want to be in the middle of her feud and not make an issue of it. She and her parents should work this out themselves. So I will do for her exactly what I am doing for her sister. If I can't use my money to help my family, what good is it?
Exactly, you are allowed to do what you want 😎. In regards to her "getting it", just tell her you don't want her to mention it to her parents because you don't want to deal with the drama going on.
 

BRICKS

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Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying.

However in response to your post, but at the same time not directed at you

How about we just say nothing about what her choice is? It honestly has very little relevance here, other than her family is "deeply christian"; which to me sounds like code for that they don't acknowledge or approve of her choice. When I think of it that way, I honestly don't blame her for upstaging her sister. To be dismissed by family is a far more egregious .
So, are you saying prent/family must approve of one's choices? Haha, dude, you obviously don't have children.
 

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So, are you saying prent/family must approve of one's choices? Haha, dude, you obviously don't have children.
No,, that wasn't what I was saying. Have a good day
 

RISE

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How about we just say nothing about what her choice is? It honestly has very little relevance here, other than her family is "deeply christian"; which to me sounds like code for that they don't acknowledge or approve of her choice. When I think of it that way, I honestly don't blame her for upstaging her sister. To be dismissed by family is a far more egregious thing.

I have no advice to give to the OP. I've never been married, I don't see the point... but if I did get married then I don't think I would care if someone set their wedding a few weeks or days before mine. In my mind every one in the scenario described by the OP needs to just get over themselves, it's not that big of a deal.

In regards to money, I agree with what someone else said... just give it to her in person. No paper trail, and if drama goes down then you can easily deny anything that comes up.

Lastly to the OP, good on you for being supportive despite the drama in fighting going on. I totally respect that!
Her choice actually does have relevance in this conversation. I didn't ask Flenser his nieces age solely on basing her maturity off of it, but there also has been a huge infulx of "trans" teens and young adults, more of which are female. It's been labeled Rapid Onset Gender Dysmorphia by scientists and researchers. What they have found is that many of these female young adults are claiming trans at rates that are genetically impossible, and that they are usually the type of girls who would have resorted to anorexia 20 years ago, to gain social status. Socially awkward, rebellious, and its not just one or two in a school, it's usually a group of friends who decide to go trans.

While this may not seem relevant to his neice since she's not trans, kids aren't turning trans to become outcasts, they are doing to be accepted in this new culture. Judging by his neices actions and maturity level, she may be doing this as an act of rebellion AND to be accepted outside of her family. Almost like acceptance by association.

I have also noticed a trend in trans men picking names of pagan or other religious gods. My wife's niece is a trans man and she renamed herself Odin. I'm not sure if this is just a natural decision to compensate for lack of manly physical features or an actual new trend in the trans community.
 

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Her choice actually does have relevance in this conversation. I didn't ask Flenser his nieces age solely on basing her maturity off of it, but there also has been a huge infulx of "trans" teens and young adults, more of which are female. It's been labeled Rapid Onset Gender Dysmorphia by scientists and researchers. What they have found is that many of these female young adults are claiming trans at rates that are genetically impossible, and that they are usually the type of girls who would have resorted to anorexia 20 years ago, to gain social status. Socially awkward, rebellious, and its not just one or two in a school, it's usually a group of friends who decide to go trans.

While this may not seem relevant to his neice since she's not trans, kids aren't turning trans to become outcasts, they are doing to be accepted in this new culture. Judging by his neices actions and maturity level, she may be doing this as an act of rebellion AND to be accepted outside of her family. Almost like acceptance by association.

I have also noticed a trend in trans men picking names of pagan or other religious gods. My wife's niece is a trans man and she renamed herself Odin. I'm not sure if this is just a natural decision to compensate for lack of manly physical features or an actual new trend in the trans community.
My point was that this wasn't a conversation about her choice. It was a conversation about how the OP should proceed given the family drama. Therefore there's no point in bringing in statements that seem judgemental; such as "strange" or "unusual".

The drama of choice is between her and her immediate family. The problem/question presented was how to be supportive without getting caught up in the family drama.

I'm not here to start a fight. I was only trying to keep things on point for the OP, but I acknowledge it's not my role to tell people how to answer the OP.

Have a good day
 

RISE

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My point was that this wasn't a conversation about her choice. It was a conversation about how the OP should proceed given the family drama. Therefore there's no point in bringing in statements that seem judgemental; such as "strange" or "unusual".

The drama of choice is between her and her immediate family. The problem/question presented was how to be supportive without getting caught up in the family drama.

I'm not here to start a fight. I was only trying to keep things on point for the OP, but I acknowledge it's not my role to tell people how to answer the OP.

Have a good day
Def not gonna fight with you bro, but how are you going to give him advice if your not analyzing the situation? You have to base your decision on judgements, and we have to judge if we believe her actions are being done in good faith. Some of her actions are questionable so I personally would give her a little money, but I'm not going to pay for her entire wedding if I think it is a bad idea and is ultimately gonna fall apart sooner than later.

Have a good day as well bro.
 

BrotherJ

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How about we just say nothing about what her choice is? It honestly has very little relevance here, other than her family is "deeply christian"; which to me sounds like code for that they don't acknowledge or approve of her choice. When I think of it that way, I honestly don't blame her for upstaging her sister. To be dismissed by family is a far more egregious thing.

I have no advice to give to the OP. I've never been married, I don't see the point... but if I did get married then I don't think I would care if someone set their wedding a few weeks or days before mine. In my mind every one in the scenario described by the OP needs to just get over themselves, it's not that big of a deal.

In regards to money, I agree with what someone else said... just give it to her in person. No paper trail, and if drama goes down then you can easily deny anything that comes up.

Lastly to the OP, good on you for being supportive despite the drama in fighting going on. I totally respect that!

I agree100%. I'm in the same boat with family right now who disapproves of my girlfriend and I've been told point blank I'm not invited to any family gathering. In my own opinion, that negates any sort of family etiquette other than taking the high road for your own personal satisfaction. If this person wants to get married and she wants it to be a certain date then whatever.

I would give the money in person too - I think this advice is spot on.
 

snake

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As for the F/F union, well if you are a Christian you know we are told to hate the sin and love the sinner. Done deal.

As for a gift, go a little over the token and lay back. I promise in the not so off future they are going to need something and you can help out after the other money is spent.

The other stuff, stay the hell out of it.
 

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Def not gonna fight with you bro, but how are you going to give him advice if your not analyzing the situation? You have to base your decision on judgements, and we have to judge if we believe her actions are being done in good faith. Some of her actions are questionable so I personally would give her a little money, but I'm not going to pay for her entire wedding if I think it is a bad idea and is ultimately gonna fall apart sooner than later.

Have a good day as well bro.
I've backed off pretty hard brother. Sure seems like you're trying to argue with me, over something I thought I made clear I have no interest in discussing further.

In case it wasn't clear from my last message, I'm done with this thread and I'm not looking to get into a pissing match or a discussion of differing perspectives. This is the OP's thread, and I have no desire to muddy it up.

Have a good weekend.
 

RISE

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I've backed off pretty hard brother. Sure seems like you're trying to argue with me, over something I thought I made clear I have no interest in discussing further.

In case it wasn't clear from my last message, I'm done with this thread and I'm not looking to get into a pissing match or a discussion of differing perspectives. This is the OP's thread, and I have no desire to muddy it up.

Have a good weekend.
Sorry it wasn't clear, you actually made no mention of being done with this in the post you are talking about, but only gave your perception, which in turn I gave mine. Not sure why you can give a perception but when someone tries to give theirs you consider it trying to start a fight?

If you're done with this conversation that's fine, that's all you had to say originally.
 

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Sorry it wasn't clear, you actually made no mention of being done with this in the post you are talking about, but only gave your perception, which in turn I gave mine. Not sure why you can give a perception but when someone tries to give theirs you consider it trying to start a fight?

If you're done with this conversation that's fine, that's all you had to say originally.
I was being indirect and polite. I thought the fact that I said "I acknowledge it's not my role to tell other people how to answer the OP" would've been a big clue, but I shouldn't assume that everyone will interpret text the way I intended.

Have a good day.
 

flenser

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I think you two should just go ahead and start insulting each other. That would be way more interesting than all this polite disagreement : )
 

flenser

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Her choice actually does have relevance in this conversation. I didn't ask Flenser his nieces age solely on basing her maturity off of it, but there also has been a huge infulx of "trans" teens and young adults, more of which are female. It's been labeled Rapid Onset Gender Dysmorphia by scientists and researchers. What they have found is that many of these female young adults are claiming trans at rates that are genetically impossible, and that they are usually the type of girls who would have resorted to anorexia 20 years ago, to gain social status. Socially awkward, rebellious, and its not just one or two in a school, it's usually a group of friends who decide to go trans.

While this may not seem relevant to his neice since she's not trans, kids aren't turning trans to become outcasts, they are doing to be accepted in this new culture. Judging by his neices actions and maturity level, she may be doing this as an act of rebellion AND to be accepted outside of her family. Almost like acceptance by association.

I have also noticed a trend in trans men picking names of pagan or other religious gods. My wife's niece is a trans man and she renamed herself Odin. I'm not sure if this is just a natural decision to compensate for lack of manly physical features or an actual new trend in the trans community.
She does fit the pattern, and you're not the first one to notice. I didn't know about the god names, though. It took me a while to decide she really meant to call herself a god, even though the translation is straight forward. I hate to admit it, but I'm super relieved it's her best friend taking the hormones and planning for surgery.
 

RISE

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She does fit the pattern, and you're not the first one to notice. I didn't know about the god names, though. It took me a while to decide she really meant to call herself a god, even though the translation is straight forward. I hate to admit it, but I'm super relieved it's her best friend taking the hormones and planning for surgery.
Sorry you're put into this situation, bro. I'm with you on letting your niece live her life, but I stick by not helping her out too much. She more than likely will grow out of it, if not, then it's obvious this is how she feels. Good luck with your decision.
 
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