Suicide

[BrotherIron]

Japan's suicide forest is severely haunted...even if you do not believe in that sort of thing!

I do very much believe in that thing as I have seen things in my life that most people do not believe.

 

[DEADlifter]

I do very much believe in that thing as I have seen things in my life that most people do not believe.

The very precise intersection of certain factors allow for the realms to meld. I've seen things to support my stance and I can't be convinced otherwise.

 

[69nites]

Something I don't generally talk about. The first time I remember wanting to die I was 8 years old and held my breath until I passed out. The last time was February of 2019 via intentional overdose.

 

[Jin]

Something I don't generally talk about. The first time I remember wanting to die I was 8 years old and held my breath until I passed out. The last time was February of 2019 via intentional overdose.

There’s a band of brothers here for you. Don’t ever forget that.

I’m happy to personally connect with anybody who is in a bind/crisis. I’m a trained listener. You won’t get advice, just understanding and acceptance.


thanks for being vulnerable. That’s manly.

 

[Oldbastard]

A social worker 30 years retired I now work with horses. I seen many take their lives. I understand but ironically I’m likely feel more hate misery then anyone I know yet somehow I love life. Every day above ground is good day

 

[Blusoul24]

Such an important topic. Thanks for
posting this.

 

[Jin]

A social worker 30 years retired I now work with horses. I seen many take their lives. I understand but ironically I’m likely feel more hate misery then anyone I know yet somehow I love life. Every day above ground is good day

It’s too
risky to joke on this thread so I’ll just make an observation:

By the way you wrote the above it definitely sounds as if you’ve seen a lot of horse suicides!

 

[j2048b]

this is long, hope u read it, if u dont, no worries...ill still be back and post stupid shit...

oh wow, ok, well, im horribly embarrassed to say all this but, thanks for the outlet Jin and the others who have posted....sometimes, a lot of times, i feel like a failure, a walking mat, a door step, a P ussy, and im not fond of the way i look...i grew up with an abusive drunk for a dad, and basically it caused me to never have learned how to truly be a man, or a father, or a husband for that matter...its funny because now he goes to church, got saved and im the new heathen as i stopped going to church since covid, even tho i listen to preachers on podcasts a lot....i was once told i was supposed to be in the ministry...i said na...im good.....


suicide:
it crosses my mind every day...and has been this way since i left the service, no i dont have ptsd, i didnt see any wars, never been to any, and not sure why, but ive spoke with people, but just didnt jive with what they were throwin down...sometimes we really just want to feel good about ourselves and they dont help in some cases....

ive already written all my letters, i have them on my phone, and about a month ago, i had my final thread topic picked, i was going to post on this site, and a few others that i routinely partake in......., i had it all planned out.....and im sorry everyone, i cannot take the pills they give me, ive been on 5 different meds and they all screwed me up...1 lead to a hospital trip, but ive been told i maybe bipolar? i have bouts of mania, (small bouts) and really low depression....and then i feel like i can do anything, and then it all creeps back in, the worthlessness, im a complete zero, im a nobody, and im dumb, or a retard because i feel like my brain doesnt work like its supposed to, i mean im educated and feel F^cking retarded most days....etc.... and i hate playing russian roulette with these meds that can and will f%uck u up

there are reasons as to why i havent gone thru with it, but sometimes it feels like i wouldnt truly be missed, or forgotten about rather quickly anyways if it did finally go down...... ive told myself for years this is the way im going out, aint nobody, no med no nothing, gonna stop me....eventually, its going down, i fight with God a lot asking why the narcissist in him would create a bunch of people just so he could be worshipped, while we are down here struggling and dying, and watching all sorts of people get rich off of all of us...its a constant line i walk...

this lead me to trt early on because taking hormones make me feel better....and ive been off them for a few years now just tormenting myself and my mental health...so trt is coming back asap,,,

since this bs covid crap hit, i sold all my garage equipment, and havent even lifted, havent done any cardio, im now skinny, lost a bunch of size and muscle, always looked like i lifted, still have a big back, scrawny legs and feel a lot of times, me lifting is not getting me anywhere anyways so why do it anymore? plus my family is tired of me starting a project and not finishing it, or even getting almost 90% done and just giving up....because im depressed, cannot get started, or just have no drive, willpower or a supporting cast of friends i can count on, which ive never not had in my life...




im reading a book called : the mental health prescription... truly amazing how it delves into depression and anxiety and shows u how group therapy, plus meds plus exercise, and a few other things put together will make a difference....next i plan to read all the jocko willink books i bought and do the 75 hard program....amongst the 5 tb of lifting programs i have on my computer and a ton i want to try, yet just cant get to them....

so there ya have it...ups and downs, and a lot of unconfidence.....

 

[Jin]

this is long, hope u read it, if u dont, no worries...ill still be back and post stupid shit...

oh wow, ok, well, im horribly embarrassed to say all this but, thanks for the outlet Jin and the others who have posted....sometimes, a lot of times, i feel like a failure, a walking mat, a door step, a P ussy, and im not fond of the way i look...i grew up with an abusive drunk for a dad, and basically it caused me to never have learned how to truly be a man, or a father, or a husband for that matter...its funny because now he goes to church, got saved and im the new heathen as i stopped going to church since covid, even tho i listen to preachers on podcasts a lot....i was once told i was supposed to be in the ministry...i said na...im good.....


suicide:
it crosses my mind every day...and has been this way since i left the service, no i dont have ptsd, i didnt see any wars, never been to any, and not sure why, but ive spoke with people, but just didnt jive with what they were throwin down...sometimes we really just want to feel good about ourselves and they dont help in some cases....

ive already written all my letters, i have them on my phone, and about a month ago, i had my final thread topic picked, i was going to post on this site, and a few others that i routinely partake in......., i had it all planned out.....and im sorry everyone, i cannot take the pills they give me, ive been on 5 different meds and they all screwed me up...1 lead to a hospital trip, but ive been told i maybe bipolar? i have bouts of mania, (small bouts) and really low depression....and then i feel like i can do anything, and then it all creeps back in, the worthlessness, im a complete zero, im a nobody, and im dumb, or a retard because i feel like my brain doesnt work like its supposed to, i mean im educated and feel F^cking retarded most days....etc.... and i hate playing russian roulette with these meds that can and will f%uck u up

there are reasons as to why i havent gone thru with it, but sometimes it feels like i wouldnt truly be missed, or forgotten about rather quickly anyways if it did finally go down...... ive told myself for years this is the way im going out, aint nobody, no med no nothing, gonna stop me....eventually, its going down, i fight with God a lot asking why the narcissist in him would create a bunch of people just so he could be worshipped, while we are down here struggling and dying, and watching all sorts of people get rich off of all of us...its a constant line i walk...

this lead me to trt early on because taking hormones make me feel better....and ive been off them for a few years now just tormenting myself and my mental health...so trt is coming back asap,,,

since this bs covid crap hit, i sold all my garage equipment, and havent even lifted, havent done any cardio, im now skinny, lost a bunch of size and muscle, always looked like i lifted, still have a big back, scrawny legs and feel a lot of times, me lifting is not getting me anywhere anyways so why do it anymore? plus my family is tired of me starting a project and not finishing it, or even getting almost 90% done and just giving up....because im depressed, cannot get started, or just have no drive, willpower or a supporting cast of friends i can count on, which ive never not had in my life...




im reading a book called : the mental health prescription... truly amazing how it delves into depression and anxiety and shows u how group therapy, plus meds plus exercise, and a few other things put together will make a difference....next i plan to read all the jocko willink books i bought and do the 75 hard program....amongst the 5 tb of lifting programs i have on my computer and a ton i want to try, yet just cant get to them....

so there ya have it...ups and downs, and a lot of unconfidence.....

Really heart wrenching stuff my friend. And none of it easy to deal with.

I’m so glad you posted.

Let us know how we can help as a community and know that I’m willing to connect anytime.

Would it help if we made a mental health forum?

 

[rawdeal]

this is long, hope u read it, if u dont, no worries...ill still be back and post stupid shit...

oh wow, ok, well, im horribly embarrassed to say all this but, . . .

The only people who are not embarrassed about something(s) are self-absorbed dickheads, and they are the ones who usually have the most to be embarrassed about. I am (medium) sure I am not suicidal, but that is only because I am too much of a pussy to make that decision ... so far. I do have plenty to be embarrassed about, but I have not been, and may never be, Man enough to share it on a board.

YOU have been, I hope your post will ease your pain, and I wonder if it won't help me and a few others get through the Denial stage and begin to face, and fix, our own problems.

Love ya, Buddy.

 

[Sicwun88]

Love Conquers all!
Sounds like a good deed and maybe turn someone's life around!
We help ourselves,
By helping others!

 

[Gadawg]

Never been suicidal. Too many things I insanely love in life. But I have all the other battles.

Another doc most people never heard of about suicide is “Bridgend”. Its about a small town in Wales where over 100 youths commited suicide in one year. Its shocking.

 

[j2048b]

Really heart wrenching stuff my friend. And none of it easy to deal with.

I’m so glad you posted.

Let us know how we can help as a community and know that I’m willing to connect anytime.

Would it help if we made a mental health forum?

thanks appreciate it very much!

not sure a mental health forum would do much, tbh... might just end up becoming a waist land of whining, complaining and crap like that....that's why i try to get away from everything once in a while.and most dont say anything about this type of stuff, because honestly, those around u, or even on line, get tired of hearing about it.....not sure how therapists handle doing their jobs....

 

[j2048b]

The only people who are not embarrassed about something(s) are self-absorbed dickheads, and they are the ones who usually have the most to be embarrassed about. I am (medium) sure I am not suicidal, but that is only because I am too much of a pussy to make that decision ... so far. I do have plenty to be embarrassed about, but I have not been, and may never be, Man enough to share it on a board.

YOU have been, I hope your post will ease your pain, and I wonder if it won't help me and a few others get through the Denial stage and begin to face, and fix, our own problems.

Love ya, Buddy.

thanks brotatochip, love u too homie

means a lot to have people understand and connect with someone on a different level besides...."hey bruh i can out bench you" "hey bruh how much u squat".....

i hope what a lot of people put up here helps someone else, or even themselves.....

im talking to a doc about trying so zoloft or another one, but im very hesitant, and dont like messing with that stuff, but its better to try and know it doesnt work than to never try it and live a life filled full of hate, depression, suicidal tendencies and anger...

 

[rawdeal]

Fvck ... I'm not tired of hearing yet. If it helps YOU to keep sharing, go for it. If, otoh, you've shot yer ( < homage to a recently retired Mod) wad, then cease and desist ... I'll just find someone else to inspire me ......

 

[rawdeal]

Shit, you young fvcks with so much to live for always out-type circles around me and my old fvck replies. I sense a path to recovery up there.

Is "brotatochip" ghey?

xoxoxo !

 

[BrotherIron]

I just wanted to say thank you to all who shared. That is no easy thing to do.

I know some may have been raised just like me which was bottle it all up inside and never let anyone know what is going on with you. Men don't show emotion. We take care of our loved ones and we bare the burden no matter the cost. That cost can be a hefty one and can really take it's toll.

Sometimes just talking helps and we're ALL here to help in anyway we can.

 

[CohibaRobusto]

Those rooms. I attest to the use of them. If you feel all alone, find a meeting. Unlike the purple craphole, AA rooms are truly a Judgement Free Zone. This tattoo is not without warrant. View attachment 11887

Yep, I've got free group therapy just about any place in the world, anytime I want it because of AA. Pretty grateful right here...

 

[rawdeal]

Should we mention here that "AA" does not just exist for alcohol, or other substance, abusers who have sought that as a "solution?" There are free online and f2f groups for anyone whose substance use, OR, mindset, is a burden.

Whoever you are, and whatever it is ... you are not alone.

 

[j2048b]

Shit, you young fvcks with so much to live for always out-type circles around me and my old fvck replies. I sense a path to recovery up there.

Is "brotatochip" ghey?

xoxoxo !

hahaha na dawg, brotatochip is not ghey....haha