Too Old to be Asking This

dted23

Former Skinny Kid / Tren Made Me Gay
Joined
Oct 19, 2020
Messages
1,362
Reaction score
2,167
Points
153
I totally agree with you brother but we say that with years behind us. I started meeting up with guys since I was 21, but didn't come out in the sense that I could admit I was gay until I was 36 and that is cos I moved out of the big city I was so widely known in my area of business. I came to terms as people and places of employment were just getting used to it. I staid in the closet for many years during my early career. I commend @dted23 for wanting to take the quicker, wiser route and make peace with it now. In all my years and experience, he has that much on me. He makes me want to be a better man. That is the light @dted23 is talking about.
I owe so much of this to privilege and timing. It would be harder as a younger less established man, I at least know who I am and who my friends are.

I also live in California, I’m white, and I had the advantage that men like you have forged the path.

I just want to be honest. I’ve been as transparent as possible throughout this thread because I (needed to think out loud, needed support, and confess) but also because I think if we’re honest with each other we’d understand.

Understanding brings compassion.
 
Joined
Oct 26, 2021
Messages
716
Reaction score
992
Points
63
I really don’t know what I’m doing.

A

Youre right.

I care too much about the perception and opinions of others. I care so much about doing things “right”. I want to do everything I do well.

I’ve accepted I’m gay. I just don’t know what step comes next.
Remember this:

“Care about what other people think, and you will always be their prisoner.”

😘
 
Joined
Jul 2, 2021
Messages
294
Reaction score
248
Points
43
I really don’t know what I’m doing.

A

Youre right.

I care too much about the perception and opinions of others. I care so much about doing things “right”. I want to do everything I do well.

I’ve accepted I’m gay. I just don’t know what step comes next.
There's nothing particular to do next except live. You should also realize right now that no one in the slightest cares about or is interested in your sex life, just like you're not in the slightest bit interested in my sex life (necrophilia, bestiality, etc) or that of the other members of the forum.
 
Joined
Oct 26, 2021
Messages
716
Reaction score
992
Points
63
There's nothing particular to do next except live. You should also realize right now that no one in the slightest cares about or is interested in your sex life, just like you're not in the slightest bit interested in my sex life (necrophilia, bestiality, etc) or that of the other members of the forum.
Love me some bestiality. 2pumpscum when watching some dog or horse smashing dat pussy
 
Joined
Jul 2, 2021
Messages
294
Reaction score
248
Points
43
That might create an interesting wolfman hybrid also. Sending you a message.
 

dted23

Former Skinny Kid / Tren Made Me Gay
Joined
Oct 19, 2020
Messages
1,362
Reaction score
2,167
Points
153
At the start of every month, there is a downtown festival with food trucks, live music, and the local breweries all set up shop.

I’ve lived here and never went. Because it’s not my scene and most of friends don’t make a habit of going either.

In August, 2021, I wrestled with my sexuality. I went to a really dark place of confusion, self-hate, and fear. I wanted to lose my virginity. I didn’t go to the festival because I had no reason to. That month I lost my virginity and hated the shame, guilt, and disappointment that came with it. I wallowed in the emotions that came with this change: learning I was a sexual being, I failed my own standards, and I felt like I could tell no one why I was shrinking into my own self revulsion.

In September 2021, two of my friends from work had noticed how anxious and depressed I had become. I withdrew and became a shadow of myself. They took me, encouraged me to drink, but didn’t pressure me. They wanted me to see that I can go to these events without being pestered to participate in any specific way. They encouraged me to try to pick up on chicks, I barely tried and felt really insecure.

As the designated driver, I brought the second friend to his house and he asked me, based on intuition: “when you lost your virginity, was it to a man?” I said “yes”, and he was the first person other than my therapist I told the whole truth to. He offered only an ear and no judgement, I dropped him off.

That month, although I hated it, I explored quite a bit sexually on Grindr. I hated the impersonal and greedy nature of it, the lack of safety. But it was so tempting and so easy, and so new to me. 29 years without sex and now I could have a new partner almost hourly if I wanted.

October 2021, I said I was done with hookups. I didn’t go to the festival because I had made plans with my family. I was talking to a guy, made plans to be FWB. Though I planned on telling no one. I told him, I won’t ever come out and I don’t want to date you, FWB is all we will be.

Of course, that month I told family and friends one-by-one to overwhelming support. Each conversation was emotionally difficult and draining for me, but I was met with love.

November, 2021, I took my FWB to a few places for dates. Dinner out, walks in the park. But the festival was where I publically held hands with him for the first time. I called it our first real date.

We then continued to see each other very regularly, we were naturally exclusive, both swore off app dating. I introduced him to friends, family, and then came out to my church community. After all of that, I came out publicly on social media to cover the rest of my bases (aunts, neighbors, coworkers, etc). I asked him to be my boyfriend.

Yesterday, in December 2021, we went on our date together. We held hands, danced, hugged, kissed, and enjoyed ourselves. It felt natural and without fear.

It’s really been a ride.
 

Send0

Taskmaster (Moderator)
Joined
Oct 28, 2020
Messages
4,231
Reaction score
6,236
Points
238
At the start of every month, there is a downtown festival with food trucks, live music, and the local breweries all set up shop.

I’ve lived here and never went. Because it’s not my scene and most of friends don’t make a habit of going either.

In August, 2021, I wrestled with my sexuality. I went to a really dark place of confusion, self-hate, and fear. I wanted to lose my virginity. I didn’t go to the festival because I had no reason to. That month I lost my virginity and hated the shame, guilt, and disappointment that came with it. I wallowed in the emotions that came with this change: learning I was a sexual being, I failed my own standards, and I felt like I could tell no one why I was shrinking into my own self revulsion.

In September 2021, two of my friends from work had noticed how anxious and depressed I had become. I withdrew and became a shadow of myself. They took me, encouraged me to drink, but didn’t pressure me. They wanted me to see that I can go to these events without being pestered to participate in any specific way. They encouraged me to try to pick up on chicks, I barely tried and felt really insecure.

As the designated driver, I brought the second friend to his house and he asked me, based on intuition: “when you lost your virginity, was it to a man?” I said “yes”, and he was the first person other than my therapist I told the whole truth to. He offered only an ear and no judgement, I dropped him off.

That month, although I hated it, I explored quite a bit sexually on Grindr. I hated the impersonal and greedy nature of it, the lack of safety. But it was so tempting and so easy, and so new to me. 29 years without sex and now I could have a new partner almost hourly if I wanted.

October 2021, I said I was done with hookups. I didn’t go to the festival because I had made plans with my family. I was talking to a guy, made plans to be FWB. Though I planned on telling no one. I told him, I won’t ever come out and I don’t want to date you, FWB is all we will be.

Of course, that month I told family and friends one-by-one to overwhelming support. Each conversation was emotionally difficult and draining for me, but I was met with love.

November, 2021, I took my FWB to a few places for dates. Dinner out, walks in the park. But the festival was where I publically held hands with him for the first time. I called it our first real date.

We then continued to see each other very regularly, we were naturally exclusive, both swore off app dating. I introduced him to friends, family, and then came out to my church community. After all of that, I came out publicly on social media to cover the rest of my bases (aunts, neighbors, coworkers, etc). I asked him to be my boyfriend.

Yesterday, in December 2021, we went on our date together. We held hands, danced, hugged, kissed, and enjoyed ourselves. It felt natural and without fear.

It’s really been a ride.
You're an incredible person dted... I hope you know that. You've had a hell of a year, but your personal growth and development has been amazing to say the least.

I hope you're proud of what you've accomplished this year. This isnt much, but personally I'm proud for you. 😁
 

dted23

Former Skinny Kid / Tren Made Me Gay
Joined
Oct 19, 2020
Messages
1,362
Reaction score
2,167
Points
153
You're an incredible person dted... I hope you know that. You've had a hell of a year, but your personal growth and development has been amazing to say the least.

I hope you're proud of what you've accomplished this year. This isnt much, but personally I'm proud for you. 😁
@Send0 @The Phoenix you and others here were a big support.

I know I can come off as stubborn, inconsistent, and dramatic.
I’m usually not as bad as I have been. I’m just inexperienced, prone to overthinking and fear.

I’m not out of the woods yet, next week I should have a better indicator of how work is going. I’m still exploring the intersection of my faith and sexuality.

But hopefully I can continue that exploration with the security of a job I love.
 

New Threads

Top