Freak in a foreign land

[Jin]

I get stared at here. Not much anymore because I live in a small town and I’m well known.

However, the first city I lived in for 3 years, Nagoya, provided me a very eye-opening and negative experience of feeling like a freak.

I would walk down the street. People would stare and whisper “scary”. People would stare at me via the reflection of the glass in the subway. Everybody noticed me but nobody spoke to me.

This was before the stupid haircut and also during a time I was trying to fit in: not showing my tattoos, following social norms etc. no matter what I did I stood out but I was not a knowledged. Openly talked about but not spoken to.

It was terribly alienating and caused me a lot of grief and anger.

You know who has the same experience but worse?

The disabled. Whether mental, physical or both.

Stared at but not aknowldged. Talked openly about but not spoken to. If people approach them to interact they usually talk to a caregiver or friend instead of the actual person (just like when I’m with a Japanese friend and a stranger shows curiosity, many times they’ll talk to my Japanese friend instead of me. Like “hey, asshole, I’m capable of talking for myself in Japanese”.

I watch a YouTube channel called “SBSK”. It’s a special Ed teacher who interviews people with various conditions. He always asks the parents “if somebody wants to interact with your kid, what should they do?” The answer is always something like “just treat them like a human being. Say hello”. I had had a tendency to think i
would be imposing by just interacting with a person with disabilities. But every single interviewed person just wanted more people to approach them a say “hi”.

Yesterday I put this to the test.

Went to the beach and saw a little girl (maybe 8-9) sitting away from her parents but close by. She had downs-syndrome and was watching YouTube on a bench. I
just sat down next to her and asked what she was watching. She showed me then she was immediately perplexed by my strange facial hair and started touching it. I said, “that’s my beard, hey, where’s yours?” Her parents were so pleased I was interacting with her. They were laughing. We had a great 3 minute chat. She showed no fear and a lot of curiosity. It was awesome. At the end she thanked me and so did her parents.

Sometimes it sucks being a freak.

It’s easy to make somebody feel like a human being by simply interacting with them an acknowledging them. I encourage you to try it.

 

[CohibaRobusto]

Very good observation and suggestions.

 

[BrotherIron]

That's awesome. And yes, just treat people like humans and be kind. It doesn't cost anything to be kind and pays you so much.

I go out of my way to be nice to kids, people with special needs, and anyone with a disability.

 

[Blusoul24]

That's amazing stuff. That right there is the really important stuff in life, and we always forget about it. Thanks for reminding me.

 

[rawdeal]

xoxoxo @ Jin :32 (16):

(srs)

 

[flenser]

In the US your sitting down next to a little girl and talking to her might have gotten you arrested. Different societies, different prejudices : ) But it's a good thing you do. Bridging the gaps between cultures is never easy.

 

[Jin]

In the US your sitting down next to a little girl and talking to her might have gotten you arrested. Different societies, different prejudices : ) But it's a good thing you do. Bridging the gaps between cultures is never easy.

I get what you’re saying.

If she were neurotypical I think the parents would have not responded well. It’s a very shy society and that would be socially awkward.

Being that she had downs I think positive attention like that comes infrequently and is therefore appreciated.

I’d be willing to bet you’d get the exact same result in the us. The bench was maybe 10 feet from the parents.

 

[CJ]

You're a good person Jin. Don't ever forget that.

 

[Mind2muscle]

Aside from this board I don’t know you Jin but you seem like a very wise and humble individual. Never stop being the person you are. I work in the mental health field and deal with people who have many disabilities. It’s my second passion aside from weight training. I fight for them. I help them. I wish more humans did. I have always viewed myself as a freak especially when I was younger and that’s why I think I have a soft spot for people who are different.....who don’t follow the norm. Spread your fire.

 

[Jin]

You're a good person Jin. Don't ever forget that.

Thanks buddy.

I’m going to have to disagree with you on a philosophical level. I am not a good person. I’m a very flawed person.

But I will say that I am always trying (and many times failing) to understand rather than to be understood, to love rather than to be loved and to serve rather than be served. I have a heart for the weak and vulnerable.

You're getting a real perspective here: this is who I am. But there’s another side and I could just as easily paint you a nightmare rather than a fairy tale.

We can all do good from time to time even if we aren’t a “good person”.

 

[Send0]

Thanks buddy.

I’m going to have to disagree with you on a philosophical level. I am not a good person. I’m a very flawed person.

But I will say that I am always trying (and many times failing) to understand rather than to be understood, to love rather than to be loved and to serve rather than be served. I have a heart for the weak and vulnerable.

You're getting a real perspective here: this is who I am. But there’s another side and I could just as easily paint you a nightmare rather than a fairy tale.

We can all do good from time to time even if we aren’t a “good person”.

You made me break from my self imposed vacation from replying to posts.

Everyone is flawed, and everyone has a bad side to them. Even if you told me all the nightmarish things to my face, the only thing I can see of you is the good. I've been watching your non bodybuilding posts for a while now, and I just need to let you know that I truly admire the person you are as a human being. With some luck, I hope to be half the human you are.

Thank you for this post. It really touched my heart... and for me specifically, it was very personal (for obvious reasons).

 

[tinymk]

Kudos to you my friend! I have had many situations similar over the years with strangers, visiting foreign lands and even friends.

communication and your body language are key imo. Not only does one have to be friendly and calm but your body ques have to directly relate to what your attempting to do. I suspect your good in both areas.
having always been bigger then the new norm, I found the first thing I did was recluse. When I received my serious head injury years back, that required years of therapies to get close to where I was post injury, I found that I had lost the ability to match up non verbal and verbal communication. This lead to friends and family becoming uneasy with me and found i was perceived as unpredictable. So I recluses till I could gather more compensatory strategies and get back to normal friendly not scary to others communication.
Then I had to be a 290 muscles up man in a world full of 175lb people. Now I am friendly, courteous and slightly outgoing then I used to be. I will always say hello, hold doors open and be one of the first to offer help to
someone in need.
So it is a job of sorts but the payoff is worth the effort. Your a good respected brother Jin, good for you to go the extra mile

 

[Janoy Cresva]

Woah! Look at that freak!

 

[Mhenshaw]

Thanks buddy.

I’m going to have to disagree with you on a philosophical level. I am not a good person. I’m a very flawed person.

But I will say that I am always trying (and many times failing) to understand rather than to be understood, to love rather than to be loved and to serve rather than be served. I have a heart for the weak and vulnerable.

You're getting a real perspective here: this is who I am. But there’s another side and I could just as easily paint you a nightmare rather than a fairy tale.

We can all do good from time to time even if we aren’t a “good person”.

Send0 hit the meat of the comment, but I wanted to follow up.
Everyone is flawed. At times we all do things that make us scratch out heads years later... wondering what we were thinking.
Take a compliment, Jin-san. Your actions in the initial post show that you are a good person. Perfect... hell no... but you brought joy to someones life... even if only momentarily.
I am with CJ on this... whether you see it or not, know that others view you as a good person.
Have a great day, Sir!

 

[Jin]

Here’s the YouTube channel I mentioned. Chris Ulmer is on my short list of heroes. Also a Philly boy.

https://m.youtube.com/channel/UC4E98HDsPXrf5kTKIgrSmtQ

I’ve watched every video. Many with my young daughters so that they will not be thrown off when we meet folks with conditions in public or wherever. My 7 year old loves the conjoined twin girls.

 

[snake]

Her parents were so pleased I was interacting with her. They were laughing. We had a great 3 minute chat. She showed no fear and a lot of curiosity. It was awesome. At the end she thanked me and so did her parents.

What you saw in the parents was hope. Hope that one day when they are gone, their child can live in world without them. That was your greatest gift.

 

[Mythos]

I enjoyed this post. Over the last few years I don't do this kind of thing as much as I used to.

 

[slicwilly2000]

The word good is a very flawed term as it means different things in different cultures. I think a better word is "beneficial". Jin, you are a beneficial person. I have tried to do the same when I can. I try to listen to the person and understand where they are coming from. When someone is experiencing something I try to figure out the cause of it and through research, a solution. That is good in the sense that they will stop experiencing but bad in that because you understood it enough to understand how to cease it from happening that you become part of what they believe to be happening. In 2014 I went through some training to get a job in the mental health field. I worked in that field for 3 years roughly before it became unrewarding. When I used to go to the cigar lounge I would often sit and smoke with people that were alone or had a perceived disability. By doing that I became sought after when someone's son or daughter would get diagnosed with something. I offered advice on recovery that I used in my life that isn't taught in any of the recovery programs to help people "graduate" from outpatient treatment. It really should be taught but it goes against the grain and requires the person to think for themselves and take an active role in their recovery. For some it's enjoyable to have someone to sit and talk with. The most rewarding are when you can pass along something that took years to learn in a single conversation. I took great pleasure in helping someone go from living at a very restrictive group home to graduating from outpatient treatment in under 2 years.

Slic.

 

[bvs]

Walking down the very busy streets of Thailand it was like the parting of the seas. People would just stare and get out the way. It didnt exactly bother me but i was only there on vacation for a week.

I grew up with disabled family members and friends and as you said, they just want to be treated like everyone else. Personally im not much of a talker but if i see a disabled person or especially a kid in public, ill poke my tongue out and make a silly face. It always gets a laugh and more often then not you get a funny face in return

 

[Iwanttestdecatren]

I understand that. Working with addicts coming off the street some people will look pretty rough. It's easy to forget a person's humanness. I try my best to not pass judgement seeing as I get the same thing walking down the street because of my face tattoos and such.