Looking for advice on how to conduct myself – wife is very close to divorcing me

Not sure why I'm posting this here, but there are a lot of people I respect on this board. I've been married about 3.5 years. I spend winters in SE Asia as I had been before my marriage (she's fine with this actually). However this time when I was getting a ticket home, I was told she didn't want me back. So I'm stranded overseas with nowhere to live in the US.

We're starting video counseling sessions, at least, even though she said it's too late.

I have no idea how to approach these sessions, or our infrequent personal calls. She shows total disinterest. I generally believe that trying to win a girl back looks weak and unattractive, and drives them away – but that has apparently already happened. I'm trying to keep a strong, confident front, but i'm starting to crack and it shows.

I'm in a very weak position since I need to go home for employment. I also have a much better chance of preventing divorce if we talk in person, which she won't do. If I fly back to attempt it, and it doesn't work out, my savings will evaporate quickly.

Full disclosure – this is all my fault. I haven't been faithful to her at all, and I've been an asshole frequently when we are together.

I can (and have) apologized, promised I'll change, and all that – but it's just empty words. I think action and showing that I'm willing/able to change would be most effective – but I can't do anything from across the world. I can't even tell the counselor my location since they won't treat someone in a different country.

I'm really in an impossible situation. If anyone has a similar experience, or just general advice, I would really appreciate it.

Just as a sidenote—I'm not going to blame this on AAS—but there's been an undeniable personality change since I began. I'm wondering if I should bring this up in the next session to be fully transparent (wife already knows). This is something that should be mentioned more often when talking about the risks of using gear.

she doesnt want to see u in person cuz she feels guilty for cheating

This is just how I would feel about the situation. So don't take it as any type of advice.

You can't make someone forgive or take you back. If she isn't interested and doesn't try at all then what's the point. You'll be dragging the situation out longer even tho it's probably going to have the same outcome.

The gear does raise a man's appetite. But it's still a decision to fuck slutty bitches. It's no different then getting blacked out drunk and doing some dumb shit. Our actions are always our responsibility regardless.

I feel for you man. My relationship and my life in general have got pretty fucked from my actions several times. Try to keep your head in the right place and deal with it the best you can.

Not trying to be a dick but…..What did you expect?

oh i didnt read the part where u said you cheated u deserve it lol dont ruin her life anymore let her go

Let me ask you this, what do you want the outcome to be? It sounds like you want to right the ship and save the marriage?

Diesel59 said:

Let me ask you this, what do you want the outcome to be? It sounds like you want to right the ship and save the marriage?

Click to expand...

I do. And I'm honestly willing to do anything. I know the outcome is out of my hands (and likely she already made her decision). I just want to put my all into this last chance.

Sounds like it's much too late. Sorry, bud.

CJ said:

Sounds like it's much too late. Sorry, bud.

Click to expand...

99% you're right. I'm not looking for support, sympathy, or anything. She's still talking and doing counseling. I just want to go down swinging.

software said:

she doesnt want to see u in person cuz she feels guilty for cheating

Click to expand...

Or.... She's just fed up with his shit.

cavorite said:

99% you're right. I'm not looking for support, sympathy, or anything. She's still talking and doing counseling. I just want to go down swinging.

Click to expand...

That all you can do, give it your best shot

TomJ said:

Or.... She's just fed up with his shit.

Click to expand...

didnt see the part where he cheated yeah no wonder

Did you 'all facetime, her giving you dildo and fingering shows for you to beat your meat? What did she do to keep your mind on her? If was doing all that you are an idiot. If she didn't find one that does!

Let her go. I looked back at some of your post history because I remember things. Threesomes, Tinder, talk of dating life, condoms. You’re mid 40’s and you’ve been married 3.5 years. Let her go. Go be who you want to be. You talked about a boring youth, well go live the way you want without dragging anyone else down.

Look at your post right here again. Yes, you admit fault yet you try and deflect blame onto AAS. And i doubt she’s completely on board with you traveling every winter, or maybe it’s just better with you gone. Stop looking for excuses, explanations, things to say to her or a counselor. Look in the mirror and be absolutely fucking honest with yourself.

I can tell you that if you go to counseling and hold anything back those secrets will haunt you and come back. Tell her everything and I mean everything. The drugs, the women, the 3somes. She deserves to know who you are, what you’ve done. Let her decide if she’s able to forgive you knowing the absolute truth. It’s hard to fucking do. You think if you tell her just enough it will be ok. It’s not. You have to completely humble and expose yourself.

Are you willing to stop gear/gym/traveling alone to other countries, dating other women? I doubt it honestly because you are worried about your savings account and where you’re going to live in the states. And looking weak . If you really loved this girl you would do anything, at any cost to you, to get her back.

The truth is, you are who you are. At least right now. You would need radical change in your life to be worthy of having her as your wife. Ask yourself if you are actually capable of doing anything and everything it takes.

I don’t mean to be a dick. But you asked the question and I have experience. I was an unworthy asshole at one point. And maybe I still am, I work on it daily. I am sharing this with you and anyone else that may read this because I genuinely hope it helps someone be a better man.

I think you stepped on your dick one too many times. Infidelity is a hell of a hurdle for anyone to get over. 40% of those marriages actually stay together, but I'm sure it's not a great marriage.

Forget about therapy. All those therapists do is pit one against the other to continue the money flowing in.

Live and learn brother. Seems like she moved on and you should do the same

Become a devout Catholic so you have a strong moral framework to live by.

LethalAnimal said:

Become a devout Catholic so you have a strong moral framework to live by.

Click to expand...

Catholics have their own issues. His problem is with other women, not fucking around with altar boys.

There are tens of millions of other women. Why waste your time with one who doesn't like you?

Santa said:

The truth is, you are who you are. At least right now. You would need radical change in your life to be worthy of having her as your wife. Ask yourself if you are actually capable of doing anything and everything it takes.

I don’t mean to be a dick. But you asked the question and I have experience. I was an unworthy asshole at one point. And maybe I still am, I work on it daily. I am sharing this with you and anyone else that may read this because I genuinely hope it helps someone be a better man.

Click to expand...

Not a dick at all, this is the most accurate reply and i appreciate you taking the time to write it. No I’m not capable of that change in anything less than a multiyear timeframe.

I phrased the AAS part poorly — that was meant as a cautionary note to any younger people reading. It does change you. I wanted this lifestyle to compensate for a lost youth and it finally bit me.

shes probably got someone over there lickiin the stinker