Looking for advice on how to conduct myself – wife is very close to divorcing me

Santa said:

Catholics have their own issues. His problem is with other women, not fucking around with altar boys.

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cavorite said:

Not sure why I'm posting this here, but there are a lot of people I respect on this board. I've been married about 3.5 years. I spend winters in SE Asia as I had been before my marriage (she's fine with this actually). However this time when I was getting a ticket home, I was told she didn't want me back. So I'm stranded overseas with nowhere to live in the US.

We're starting video counseling sessions, at least, even though she said it's too late.

I have no idea how to approach these sessions, or our infrequent personal calls. She shows total disinterest. I generally believe that trying to win a girl back looks weak and unattractive, and drives them away – but that has apparently already happened. I'm trying to keep a strong, confident front, but i'm starting to crack and it shows.

I'm in a very weak position since I need to go home for employment. I also have a much better chance of preventing divorce if we talk in person, which she won't do. If I fly back to attempt it, and it doesn't work out, my savings will evaporate quickly.

Full disclosure – this is all my fault. I haven't been faithful to her at all, and I've been an asshole frequently when we are together.

I can (and have) apologized, promised I'll change, and all that – but it's just empty words. I think action and showing that I'm willing/able to change would be most effective – but I can't do anything from across the world. I can't even tell the counselor my location since they won't treat someone in a different country.

I'm really in an impossible situation. If anyone has a similar experience, or just general advice, I would really appreciate it.

Just as a sidenote—I'm not going to blame this on AAS—but there's been an undeniable personality change since I began. I'm wondering if I should bring this up in the next session to be fully transparent (wife already knows). This is something that should be mentioned more often when talking about the risks of using gear.

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Santa said:

Let her go. I looked back at some of your post history because I remember things. Threesomes, Tinder, talk of dating life, condoms. You’re mid 40’s and you’ve been married 3.5 years. Let her go. Go be who you want to be. You talked about a boring youth, well go live the way you want without dragging anyone else down.

Look at your post right here again. Yes, you admit fault yet you try and deflect blame onto AAS. And i doubt she’s completely on board with you traveling every winter, or maybe it’s just better with you gone. Stop looking for excuses, explanations, things to say to her or a counselor. Look in the mirror and be absolutely fucking honest with yourself.

I can tell you that if you go to counseling and hold anything back those secrets will haunt you and come back. Tell her everything and I mean everything. The drugs, the women, the 3somes. She deserves to know who you are, what you’ve done. Let her decide if she’s able to forgive you knowing the absolute truth. It’s hard to fucking do. You think if you tell her just enough it will be ok. It’s not. You have to completely humble and expose yourself.

Are you willing to stop gear/gym/traveling alone to other countries, dating other women? I doubt it honestly because you are worried about your savings account and where you’re going to live in the states. And looking weak . If you really loved this girl you would do anything, at any cost to you, to get her back.

The truth is, you are who you are. At least right now. You would need radical change in your life to be worthy of having her as your wife. Ask yourself if you are actually capable of doing anything and everything it takes.

I don’t mean to be a dick. But you asked the question and I have experience. I was an unworthy asshole at one point. And maybe I still am, I work on it daily. I am sharing this with you and anyone else that may read this because I genuinely hope it helps someone be a better man.

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Rickt said:

Just for the record my wife read all the responses and said this guy is the only one she agrees with. If a woman's point of view counts to you.

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cavorite said:

It does, and thanks for that. Yeah that was the reply that really hit home.

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Rickt said:

Just for the record my wife read all the responses and said this guy is the only one she agrees with. If a woman's point of view counts to you.

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cavorite said:

Not sure why I'm posting this here, but there are a lot of people I respect on this board. I've been married about 3.5 years. I spend winters in SE Asia as I had been before my marriage (she's fine with this actually). However this time when I was getting a ticket home, I was told she didn't want me back. So I'm stranded overseas with nowhere to live in the US.

We're starting video counseling sessions, at least, even though she said it's too late.

I have no idea how to approach these sessions, or our infrequent personal calls. She shows total disinterest. I generally believe that trying to win a girl back looks weak and unattractive, and drives them away – but that has apparently already happened. I'm trying to keep a strong, confident front, but i'm starting to crack and it shows.

I'm in a very weak position since I need to go home for employment. I also have a much better chance of preventing divorce if we talk in person, which she won't do. If I fly back to attempt it, and it doesn't work out, my savings will evaporate quickly.

Full disclosure – this is all my fault. I haven't been faithful to her at all, and I've been an asshole frequently when we are together.

I can (and have) apologized, promised I'll change, and all that – but it's just empty words. I think action and showing that I'm willing/able to change would be most effective – but I can't do anything from across the world. I can't even tell the counselor my location since they won't treat someone in a different country.

I'm really in an impossible situation. If anyone has a similar experience, or just general advice, I would really appreciate it.

Just as a sidenote—I'm not going to blame this on AAS—but there's been an undeniable personality change since I began. I'm wondering if I should bring this up in the next session to be fully transparent (wife already knows). This is something that should be mentioned more often when talking about the risks of using gear.

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BigBaldBeardGuy said:

Be thankful she doesn’t have a brother or father showing up to beat your ass. Move on. You ONLY care about yourself. Don’t do this to another girl because your luck will run out and she will have a brother waiting to pulverize you.

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cavorite said:

Not sure why I'm posting this here, but there are a lot of people I respect on this board. I've been married about 3.5 years. I spend winters in SE Asia as I had been before my marriage (she's fine with this actually). However this time when I was getting a ticket home, I was told she didn't want me back. So I'm stranded overseas with nowhere to live in the US.

We're starting video counseling sessions, at least, even though she said it's too late.

I have no idea how to approach these sessions, or our infrequent personal calls. She shows total disinterest. I generally believe that trying to win a girl back looks weak and unattractive, and drives them away – but that has apparently already happened. I'm trying to keep a strong, confident front, but i'm starting to crack and it shows.

I'm in a very weak position since I need to go home for employment. I also have a much better chance of preventing divorce if we talk in person, which she won't do. If I fly back to attempt it, and it doesn't work out, my savings will evaporate quickly.

Full disclosure – this is all my fault. I haven't been faithful to her at all, and I've been an asshole frequently when we are together.

I can (and have) apologized, promised I'll change, and all that – but it's just empty words. I think action and showing that I'm willing/able to change would be most effective – but I can't do anything from across the world. I can't even tell the counselor my location since they won't treat someone in a different country.

I'm really in an impossible situation. If anyone has a similar experience, or just general advice, I would really appreciate it.

Just as a sidenote—I'm not going to blame this on AAS—but there's been an undeniable personality change since I began. I'm wondering if I should bring this up in the next session to be fully transparent (wife already knows). This is something that should be mentioned more often when talking about the risks of using gear.

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TODAY said:

This relationship is done and dusted, my guy.

The good news is that now you'll have a lot more time and energy that you can devote to becoming less of a catastrophic shithead.

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6FeetFromTheEdge said:

That...

Or banging lots of hot Asian chicks.

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newbophobia said:

I also think it's too late to change something now. There are girls who can forgive, and there are those who will never do that.

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BigBaldBeardGuy said:

First post since you joined in 2017?

This topic must have really hit home for you.

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cavorite said:

It does, and thanks for that. Yeah that was the reply that really hit home.

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Rickt said:

Hi guys I'm cavarot. I know it is 2001 and I haven't posted in a bit. Well since 2017. but i have a question.
I'm thinking of going to Asia and banging a lot of chicks when my new wife is at home alone. If it works out ok I will do it every year.
How do you think that will work out for me in the long run.

Just a suggested post for 3 and a half years ago.

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Rickt said:

2021. Thanks diesel I overlooked that typo. 2021 is 3 and a half years ago. Sorry. Hope it makes a bit more sense. I believe I could change it. But I'm to stupid to know how.

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