How do you feel about ghosting?

[white ape]

I’m with 69 on this one. What he’s saying isn’t bad. It’s legit and understandable to me. He isn’t putting anyone down.

All he is trying to say is it seems like this dude may have been genuine and not trying to just do what he needed to get his noodle wet. Also that just because there was not instant “boom” or “SPARK” on the first date doesn’t mean a wildfire won’t grow.

He isn’t saying that Jenn must go on another date with him or that this is the one. Just saying that if she liked him enough to give him date #2 she may see him in a different light. As maybe there was an ember from the 1st date that starts to grow.

After the 2nd date you would definitely know if there is anything or not.

 

[Jenn_is_Jenning]

I don't think any views here are inherently bad or wrong.
I also have admitted that I don't know what I'm doing.
But, I REALLY don't think it's supposed to feel like a chore.

How many here would spend money taking out a woman again if you felt like it was a chore? If you enjoyed yourself so little that you came home extremely early, and your manhood didn't get excited by the thought of her on top of you? Even IF they seemed nicer than what you've had in the past.
I ask that honesty. Don't put yourself in the guy's position here, imagine you were me.

 

[white ape]

I don't think any views here are inherently bad or wrong.
I also have admitted that I don't know what I'm doing.
But, I REALLY don't think it's supposed to feel like a chore.

How many here would spend money taking out a woman again if you felt like it was a chore? If you enjoyed yourself so little that you came home extremely early, and your manhood didn't get excited by the thought of her on top of you? Even IF they seemed nicer than what you've had in the past.
I ask that honesty. Don't put yourself in the guy's position here, imagine you were me.

If he didn’t rev your engine then be done with it. I’ve been on first dates and knew there wouldn’t be a second. I’ve also had sex with many of those dates. Sex and me seeing a second date in the future are two different things.

You were here playing this out with us so we chimed in. Played devils advocate. Tried to look at it from different perspectives. At the end of the day it’s your decision. You went on the date. We didn’t. Only you know what to do and it seems like you know what that is.

So cut him loose and keep looking

Edit. My current wife was planning on sleeping with me on the first date. We knew each other from work. She thought I was an asshole. When I took her in a date and was actually a decent person she thought I was trying to game her. Took me two months to get my noodle wet.

The attraction on both parties was there though so I get that it’s different.

 

[Diesel59]

@Jenn_is_Jenning

I think this song was written about your situation with that guy. It was a big hit in 2000; you probably remember it.

 

[Jenn_is_Jenning]

@Jenn_is_Jenning

I think this song was written about your situation with that guy. It was a big hit in 2000; you probably remember it.

It says video not allowed in my country, what song was it?

DAMMN YOU Trudeau !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Diesel59]

It says video not allowed in my country, what song was it?

DAMMN YOU Trudeau !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's "Everything You Want" by Vertical Horizon!

Hopefully Trudeau doesn't mess with UGBB. Then you're gonna have to overthrow the government.

 

[Jenn_is_Jenning]

Ok, I don't think I am overthinking this, but as a chronic overthinker, I am overthinking whether or not I am overthinking things.

When we first made plans to have a date his suggestion was just for me to come over. I worried at first he was thinking this was a hook-up situation, but when I said something about how awkward that would be, he said he thought it would be best for an introvert (me) due to how uncrowded and quiet it would be. Fair enough. I was the one that suggested drinks.

We met at a sports bar, and after an hour he wanted to leave back to his place and invited me to smoke a joint.

Again, fair enough, but that's when I found out he smokes pot roughly 3 times a night, and his bio only indicated he smoked pot "socially".
I dunno... 3 times a night alone doesn't seem very social, LOL.

Didn't think much of it at first, and I have nothing against smoking pot, but I only do it 4-5 times per year.
Instead of him texting me for a second date, he kept pressuring me to just come over and hang out.
I spent 140 dollars cabbing both ways that night, that's a lot of money just to sit around and smoke a joint.
I told him I'd go broke if I came over that frequently. Then he pressured me to drive. PET PEEVE!!!
"Just drive!"
I have indicated I will not. I am essentially blind at night. I cannot see SHIT. I would have to keep cabbing, and he seems to have no interest in actually doing *things* or meeting me out in the city where I can get to by bus.
Is that somewhat odd? Don't people try to do *things* during the early stages or was that pre covid crap?
I also don't know if it's better to say "Hey, it was great meeting you, but I don't think our pot frequency meshes well and I am looking for someone who like...doesn't smoke pot daily"

OR is it nicer to be vague and say "Hey, nice meeting you, but I am not feeling this, thanks!"

 

[Send0]

Ok, I don't think I am overthinking this, but as a chronic overthinker, I am overthinking whether or not I am overthinking things.

When we first made plans to have a date his suggestion was just for me to come over. I worried at first he was thinking this was a hook-up situation, but when I said something about how awkward that would be, he said he thought it would be best for an introvert (me) due to how uncrowded and quiet it would be. Fair enough. I was the one that suggested drinks.

We met at a sports bar, and after an hour he wanted to leave back to his place and invited me to smoke a joint.

Again, fair enough, but that's when I found out he smokes pot roughly 3 times a night, and his bio only indicated he smoked pot "socially".
I dunno... 3 times a night alone doesn't seem very social, LOL.

Didn't think much of it at first, and I have nothing against smoking pot, but I only do it 4-5 times per year.
Instead of him texting me for a second date, he kept pressuring me to just come over and hang out.
I spent 140 dollars cabbing both ways that night, that's a lot of money just to sit around and smoke a joint.
I told him I'd go broke if I came over that frequently. Then he pressured me to drive. PET PEEVE!!!
"Just drive!"
I have indicated I will not. I am essentially blind at night. I cannot see SHIT. I would have to keep cabbing, and he seems to have no interest in actually doing *things* or meeting me out in the city where I can get to by bus.
Is that somewhat odd? Don't people try to do *things* during the early stages or was that pre covid crap?
I also don't know if it's better to say "Hey, it was great meeting you, but I don't think our pot frequency meshes well and I am looking for someone who like...doesn't smoke pot daily"

OR is it nicer to be vague and say "Hey, nice meeting you, but I am not feeling this, thanks!"

He's trying to hook up, and may not be as "nice" a guy as he first seems. Definitely not wanting to go "as slow as you need to" like he suggested earlier.

Not necessarily horrible if you're also looking to hook up and have fun... But that's for you to decide.

I think suggesting something is fine, but I don't believe in pressuring or manipulating people. Things are so much better, and satisfying, when they happen organically and the other person wants to do something. That's just me though

 

[Janoy Cresva]

Ok, I don't think I am overthinking this, but as a chronic overthinker, I am overthinking whether or not I am overthinking things.

When we first made plans to have a date his suggestion was just for me to come over. I worried at first he was thinking this was a hook-up situation, but when I said something about how awkward that would be, he said he thought it would be best for an introvert (me) due to how uncrowded and quiet it would be. Fair enough. I was the one that suggested drinks.

We met at a sports bar, and after an hour he wanted to leave back to his place and invited me to smoke a joint.

Again, fair enough, but that's when I found out he smokes pot roughly 3 times a night, and his bio only indicated he smoked pot "socially".
I dunno... 3 times a night alone doesn't seem very social, LOL.

Didn't think much of it at first, and I have nothing against smoking pot, but I only do it 4-5 times per year.
Instead of him texting me for a second date, he kept pressuring me to just come over and hang out.
I spent 140 dollars cabbing both ways that night, that's a lot of money just to sit around and smoke a joint.
I told him I'd go broke if I came over that frequently. Then he pressured me to drive. PET PEEVE!!!
"Just drive!"
I have indicated I will not. I am essentially blind at night. I cannot see SHIT. I would have to keep cabbing, and he seems to have no interest in actually doing *things* or meeting me out in the city where I can get to by bus.
Is that somewhat odd? Don't people try to do *things* during the early stages or was that pre covid crap?
I also don't know if it's better to say "Hey, it was great meeting you, but I don't think our pot frequency meshes well and I am looking for someone who like...doesn't smoke pot daily"

OR is it nicer to be vague and say "Hey, nice meeting you, but I am not feeling this, thanks!"

Well this completely changes everything lol

He was definitely trying to hook up with you. Especially since weed lowers your inhibitions. Either line is fine to end it.

 

[BigChief1]

Ok, I don't think I am overthinking this, but as a chronic overthinker, I am overthinking whether or not I am overthinking things.

When we first made plans to have a date his suggestion was just for me to come over. I worried at first he was thinking this was a hook-up situation, but when I said something about how awkward that would be, he said he thought it would be best for an introvert (me) due to how uncrowded and quiet it would be. Fair enough. I was the one that suggested drinks.

We met at a sports bar, and after an hour he wanted to leave back to his place and invited me to smoke a joint.

Again, fair enough, but that's when I found out he smokes pot roughly 3 times a night, and his bio only indicated he smoked pot "socially".
I dunno... 3 times a night alone doesn't seem very social, LOL.

Didn't think much of it at first, and I have nothing against smoking pot, but I only do it 4-5 times per year.
Instead of him texting me for a second date, he kept pressuring me to just come over and hang out.
I spent 140 dollars cabbing both ways that night, that's a lot of money just to sit around and smoke a joint.
I told him I'd go broke if I came over that frequently. Then he pressured me to drive. PET PEEVE!!!
"Just drive!"
I have indicated I will not. I am essentially blind at night. I cannot see SHIT. I would have to keep cabbing, and he seems to have no interest in actually doing *things* or meeting me out in the city where I can get to by bus.
Is that somewhat odd? Don't people try to do *things* during the early stages or was that pre covid crap?
I also don't know if it's better to say "Hey, it was great meeting you, but I don't think our pot frequency meshes well and I am looking for someone who like...doesn't smoke pot daily"

OR is it nicer to be vague and say "Hey, nice meeting you, but I am not feeling this, thanks!"

We sent u out as a sheep amongst the wolves!

Here’s what really happened….. Let’s go back to my place. Get fucked up and make some bad decisions. When that didn’t work he called the next day and asked to do it again. As far as what u should tell him. Don’t worry I gotcha!

Dear Basement Dweller,

I had a very interesting time the other night. After our date I did some thinking and decided I will give being a lesbian a try. I seriously went into this date with a mindset of pretty much fucking anything that walks. But within seconds of meeting you it was like you threw hot sand all over my drenched panties. I see no point in continuing any conversation with you and I pray for you.

Go Get Em Tiger,
Jenn

 

[turkey_sandwich]

When we first made plans to have a date his suggestion was just for me to come over.

reddest of red flags

netflix (insert whatever activity you want) and chill is not a date.

 

[Jenn_is_Jenning]

Ok, so the thing about being considerate of an introvert was a lie?
Why did he walk around his place frantically cleaning up saying he didn't expect company, lol.
WHY AM I SO RETARDED AT THIs

 

[Send0]

Ok, so the thing about being considerate of an introvert was a lie?
Why did he walk around his place frantically cleaning up saying he didn't expect company, lol.
WHY AM I SO RETARDED AT THIs

He said it thinking that you might take the bait; but he clearly doesn't understand introverts. Being introverted doesn't necessarily mean you don't like going out or being around people. For me, I just get mentally drained really fast. My energy levels disappear, and while I might feel awkward if I don't connect with people... it doesn't mean I don't enjoy being out for a little bit.

He's a guy and didn't feel like cleaning. Then when you actually came over he was like "oh shit, can't have her thinking I'm a slob".

Maybe he's just a moron, and he could still be a genuinely nice guy... but everything you said is highly suspicious to me. I read your posts to my girlfriend, and she wouldn't trust him.

At a minimum, he's putting barely any effort into this. A sports bar? Come over to his house and smoke pot? Asking you to come over again, and not at least offering to pick you up and drive you home? So damn lazy.

 

[Jenn_is_Jenning]

He said it thinking that you might take the bait; but he clearly doesn't understand introverts. Being introverted doesn't necessarily mean you don't like going out or being around people. For me, I just get mentally drained really fast. My energy levels disappear, and while I might feel awkward if I don't connect with people... it doesn't mean I don't enjoy being out for a little bit.

He's a guy and didn't feel like cleaning. Then when you actually came over he was like "oh shit, can't have her thinking I'm a slob".

Maybe he's just a moron, and he could still be a genuinely nice guy... but everything you said is highly suspicious to me. I read your posts to my girlfriend, and she wouldn't trust him.

At a minimum, he's putting barely any effort into this. A sports bar? Come over to his house and smoke pot? Asking you to come over again, and not at least offering to pick you up and drive you home? So damn lazy.

LAZY is exactly what I was thinking! Because when we were at the bar we had hardly been there when he said "well, you heading home or want to come over for a joint?"
There were no either options, either I spent all that on a cab for a shitty couple of drinks in just shy of an hour or I extend it by smoking a joint hahhaha.
Why wasn't there a third option of going somewhere else? Music, food, something?!
I was so hungry at his place. At least offer me some crackers, like!!!!
I'd never have someone over and not constantly be offering them food or whatever
!!!
I didn't think of any of this until 48 hours later hahah. I'm so oblivious!!!

 

[white ape]

Cut and run. Cut and run

 

[Send0]

LAZY is exactly what I was thinking! Because when we were at the bar we had hardly been there when he said "well, you heading home or want to come over for a joint?"
There were no either options, either I spent all that on a cab for a shitty couple of drinks in just shy of an hour or I extend it by smoking a joint hahhaha.
Why wasn't there a third option of going somewhere else? Music, food, something?!
I was so hungry at his place. At least offer me some crackers, like!!!!
I'd never have someone over and not constantly be offering them food or whatever
!!!
I didn't think of any of this until 48 hours later hahah. I'm so oblivious!!!

Yeah, If someone is at my house then I'm offering them food and beverages. I keep drinks and snacks around that I'll never eat (not part of my diet) specifically to offer them to guests.

I would have asked if you wanted to go somewhere else. If I really wanted to smoke pot, then I'd suggest doing it in my car, or at a park, and then walk around, or going to a place where there are live bands. Weed is way more fun when you're out and about. There is a place and time for getting couch locked and watching a movie or funny show... But not for a first date.

If I was a woman, or a gay dude, then it'd be "it's a no from me dawg"

 

[turkey_sandwich]

Is that somewhat odd?

No. bare minimum, low effort is the norm.

you guys need to form a union and decide that it will no longer be tolerated. as long as it works on one of you we'll keep trying it on all of you.

 

[Diesel59]

This left out detail changes everything IMO. He's not really a nice guy. He's a socially awkward guy pretending to be nice to get what he really wants. He wasn't enjoying his time at the bar because he didn't really want to be there.

 

[turkey_sandwich]

time at the bar

it's not that tough.

1) dave and busters for about 60 minutes
2) go to my reservations at a place where the napkins are cloth and there are no prices on the menu
3) walk on the waterfront, it's in the same area as the restaurant, so I can get the last of my steps in for the day.

 

[Danny Bravo]

Just another sign of the trend of humans not valuing other humans, thinking thinking only of themselves. Same people pat themselves on the back for having a couple hundred facebook "friends". Maybe you don't give a rip about others, but have some fkn integrity and handle shit like that in person. Just my opinion on the subject.

Nailed it Bricks, !!
Haven’t done online dating, but find myself empathetic


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