How do you feel about ghosting?

[Jenn_is_Jenning]

Well, I feel pretty pleased with everything.

Yesterday he messaged me and I took a few hours to reply (I was trying to gather my bearings to tell him I wasn't interested), and then he unmatched me on bumble. I thought, oh good, he's ghosting me, lol. But, then he texted last night "so, you coming over this week at all?"

I said
"To be honest, I think there are some lifestyle differences that make me feel this isn't going to work out. I like to be out and about and I really only smoke pot a few times a year. It would be difficult to be with someone who did it every day. Not that I judge or look down on those who do, I'm just looking for something more suitable to my lifestyle. I'm sorry"

Then he says
"LMAO, way to completely judge while say you're not judging. It's all good though, I only went out with you because I felt sorry for you since you seemed to be such an emotional train wreck which proved to be true when I met you. You think running off to the military is going to help you, ha, think again. Good luck"

I said nothing else. I also didn't feel hurt in the slightest because I knew he was just upset and lashing out.
Which makes me feel like less of an emotional train wreck than I thought I was.
I also talked fairly openly about wanting to leave some kind of significant footprint on this earth after losing my dad with my reasoning being joining the military. It was pretty cruel to try to use that against me.

I think me acting obviously EXTREMELY uncomfortable when he randomly tried to get on top of me screamed "emotional train wreck" to him. But, in actuality, it just meant I'm not comfortable with you or horny for you. Doesn't go any deeper than that.

I feel better about myself for 1- not ghosting and 2- not taking his insults personally.

All in all, horrible date, wouldn't not recommend, cab money would have been better spent elsewhere, but good lessons learned.

 

[Send0]

Well, I feel pretty pleased with everything.

Yesterday he messaged me and I took a few hours to reply (I was trying to gather my bearings to tell him I wasn't interested), and then he unmatched me on bumble. I thought, oh good, he's ghosting me, lol. But, then he texted last night "so, you coming over this week at all?"

I said
"To be honest, I think there are some lifestyle differences that make me feel this isn't going to work out. I like to be out and about and I really only smoke pot a few times a year. It would be difficult to be with someone who did it every day. Not that I judge or look down on those who do, I'm just looking for something more suitable to my lifestyle. I'm sorry"

Then he says
"LMAO, way to completely judge while say you're not judging. It's all good though, I only went out with you because I felt sorry for you since you seemed to be such an emotional train wreck which proved to be true when I met you. You think running off to the military is going to help you, ha, think again. Good luck"

I said nothing else. I also didn't feel hurt in the slightest because I knew he was just upset and lashing out.
Which makes me feel like less of an emotional train wreck than I thought I was.
I also talked fairly openly about wanting to leave some kind of significant footprint on this earth after losing my dad with my reasoning being joining the military. It was pretty cruel to try to use that against me.

I think me acting obviously EXTREMELY uncomfortable when he randomly tried to get on top of me screamed "emotional train wreck" to him. But, in actuality, it just meant I'm not comfortable with you or horny for you. Doesn't go any deeper than that.

I feel better about myself for 1- not ghosting and 2- not taking his insults personally.

All in all, horrible date, wouldn't not recommend, cab money would have been better spent elsewhere, but good lessons learned.

I had a feeling he was going to throw a temper tantrum. Says a lot about who he is as a person. Only went out with you because he felt sorry for you? Righhhhhht

Typical insecure man. You dodged a bullet by cutting him loose.

 

[Diesel59]

@Jenn_is_Jenning Well, now you know without a doubt that he's just a run of the mill asshole. His real objective was looking for cheap sex. Since you didn't give it to him, he's lashing out.

The fact that he threw the military thing in your face (especially when you had told him very personal things behind it) is really low. I don't understand the need for him to do that, even if he's an asshole. He could have gotten his point across without saying that.

 

[Janoy Cresva]

I can't stand people that try to crush your goals or are just negative in general. Very immature response by him.

 

[BigChief1]

Sounds like a first class douche bag. Surprised he didn’t try to charge u for the joint.

 

[Jenn_is_Jenning]

Ok, since I'm bad with red flags and I'm trying to improve here's a boring update:

I, *shudder* paid for a dating app. But, I did so with low expectations...
It's actually not gross, but here's my takes-
One guy I was talking with lived with his mom. Which is ok in itself because he moved in during the pandemic because he didn't want to be jabbed and lost his job. I judge none of that. What I wasn't fond of was that he liked how easy his days were and wasn't in any rush to improve the situation. That was a red flag to me. He asked me out, but after I thought about it I decided that wasn't super promising.

Yes, it's sad that I'm happy I noticed that.

Second person who asked me out seemed decently weird like me, and kept asking me to go on a date. But herein lies the problem, he didn't live anywhere.
Where do you live? I asked.
He said he just goes wherever when he's not at camp/work. I don't get this? He literally doesn't have a place he calls home. I thought that was a bit off (?) And I didn't really want to get involved with someone who didn't have a place they lived. Idk, maybe that's bitchy. One of his interests was also sneakers which I thought was off. How can sneakers actually be an interest? I like pj pants, but I wouldn't classify them as an interest...

Ok moving on...
Now the person I'm talking to now 1. 43, into the gym, hasn't said anything sleazy, interesting to talk to, heavy duty mechanic, has a home.
2. Doesn't care about any of my weird shit
3. Hates Trudeau.*
4. Kids are my kids age and live with their mom
5. Divorced twice, but who cares?
Anyway,
Does everyone agree the first two were no's and the third seems good?

Thx in advance

 

[BRICKS]

The first two are no fkn ways and don't see anything wrong with the 3rd, from what you wrote. Set your standards high and go in with low expectations.

 

[JeffGoldblumLips]

Well, I feel pretty pleased with everything.

Yesterday he messaged me and I took a few hours to reply (I was trying to gather my bearings to tell him I wasn't interested), and then he unmatched me on bumble. I thought, oh good, he's ghosting me, lol. But, then he texted last night "so, you coming over this week at all?"

I said
"To be honest, I think there are some lifestyle differences that make me feel this isn't going to work out. I like to be out and about and I really only smoke pot a few times a year. It would be difficult to be with someone who did it every day. Not that I judge or look down on those who do, I'm just looking for something more suitable to my lifestyle. I'm sorry"

Then he says
"LMAO, way to completely judge while say you're not judging. It's all good though, I only went out with you because I felt sorry for you since you seemed to be such an emotional train wreck which proved to be true when I met you. You think running off to the military is going to help you, ha, think again. Good luck"

I said nothing else. I also didn't feel hurt in the slightest because I knew he was just upset and lashing out.
Which makes me feel like less of an emotional train wreck than I thought I was.
I also talked fairly openly about wanting to leave some kind of significant footprint on this earth after losing my dad with my reasoning being joining the military. It was pretty cruel to try to use that against me.

I think me acting obviously EXTREMELY uncomfortable when he randomly tried to get on top of me screamed "emotional train wreck" to him. But, in actuality, it just meant I'm not comfortable with you or horny for you. Doesn't go any deeper than that.

I feel better about myself for 1- not ghosting and 2- not taking his insults personally.

All in all, horrible date, wouldn't not recommend, cab money would have been better spent elsewhere, but good lessons learned.

I think most men take rejection very personally but this is insanely immature. It's such an obvious "ouch my ego" reaction. You have to lack a certain amount of self awareness react that way. My girlfriend told me about a dude who messaged her some insults like this after she said she didn't want to see him again. I will not be surprised if you hear some info about this guy later that makes you realize what a bullet you dodged. At least you've become someone who sees his empty insults as what they are. He's still going to be this same kind of retard the rest of his life.

 

[JeffGoldblumLips]

Second person who asked me out seemed decently weird like me, and kept asking me to go on a date. But herein lies the problem, he didn't live anywhere.
Where do you live? I asked.
He said he just goes wherever when he's not at camp/work. I don't get this? He literally doesn't have a place he calls home. I thought that was a bit off (?) And I didn't really want to get involved with someone who didn't have a place they lived. Idk, maybe that's bitchy. One of his interests was also sneakers which I thought was off. How can sneakers actually be an interest? I like pj pants, but I wouldn't classify them as an interest...

This guy wants to make a hat out of your skin

 

[Jenn_is_Jenning]

This guy wants to make a hat out of your skin

Lmao

 

[Diesel59]

Ok, since I'm bad with red flags and I'm trying to improve here's a boring update:

I, *shudder* paid for a dating app. But, I did so with low expectations...
It's actually not gross, but here's my takes-
One guy I was talking with lived with his mom. Which is ok in itself because he moved in during the pandemic because he didn't want to be jabbed and lost his job. I judge none of that. What I wasn't fond of was that he liked how easy his days were and wasn't in any rush to improve the situation. That was a red flag to me. He asked me out, but after I thought about it I decided that wasn't super promising.

I think that is a red flag, if you're 100 percent sure that he has no drive to eventually improve his situation and get his own place again. There could be a legitimately good reason he's taking his time.

Yes, it's sad that I'm happy I noticed that.

Second person who asked me out seemed decently weird like me, and kept asking me to go on a date. But herein lies the problem, he didn't live anywhere.
Where do you live? I asked.
He said he just goes wherever when he's not at camp/work. I don't get this? He literally doesn't have a place he calls home. I thought that was a bit off (?) And I didn't really want to get involved with someone who didn't have a place they lived. Idk, maybe that's bitchy.

There's a chance he's some sort of urban van dweller and doesn't want to admit it. But it's incredibly odd that he dodges the question.

One of his interests was also sneakers which I thought was off. How can sneakers actually be an interest? I like pj pants, but I wouldn't classify them as an interest...

I have known many guys who part of the whole "sneaker head" culture. Shoes are definitely an interest for a lot of guys, but I don't know how common that is up in Canada.

That being said, it'd be hard to pursue that interest without a home lol.

Ok moving on...
Now the person I'm talking to now 1. 43, into the gym, hasn't said anything sleazy, interesting to talk to, heavy duty mechanic, has a home.
2. Doesn't care about any of my weird shit
3. Hates Trudeau.*
4. Kids are my kids age and live with their mom
5. Divorced twice, but who cares?
Anyway,
Does everyone agree the first two were no's and the third seems good?

Thx in advance

Let me ask you this...how much do you desire to bond with a guy over politics? If that's something you're into, then #3 could very well make up for any issues that may arise from #4 or #5.

Does he advertise that he hates Trudeau on his page, or did he tell you in a message?

Personally, I find that knowing a girl's political affiliation before we even go out on a date is a major turnoff. I'm not into SJWs or MAGA Barbies. But I understand a lot of people feel the opposite way.

 

[Jenn_is_Jenning]

Let me ask you this...how much do you desire to bond with a guy over politics? If that's something you're into, then #3 could very well make up for any issues that may arise from #4 or #5.

Does he advertise that he hates Trudeau on his page, or did he tell you in a message?

Personally, I find that knowing a girl's political affiliation before we even go out on a date is a major turnoff. I'm not into SJWs or MAGA Barbies. But I understand a lot of people feel the opposite way.

Really? I thought for sure you'd be the type to care about one's political leanings since you seem somewhat passionate about the trans issues and whatnot.

I mean, I find it extremely important to know these things. How could I be compatible with someone who felt the need to include their pronouns everywhere they went or felt that child mutilation was actually "gender affirming care" OR stupider yet, thought Trudeau was good for our country.
We'd never jive, it would be a waste of time.
I don't need to discuss politics at dinner and some people are too extreme for me (my mom, lol), but showing that awareness about what's happening in our country and caring enough to have an opinion is rather important to me.

Do guys not feel this way at all?

 

[Diesel59]

Really? I thought for sure you'd be the type to care about one's political leanings since you seem somewhat passionate about the trans issues and whatnot.

Great point. And I see why you would say that. But I'm perfectly fine dating a girl who doesn't agree with me on most issues. I think it's interesting. Until recently it was perfectly normal.

At this point I generally prefer women not from my own country.

I mean, I find it extremely important to know these things. How could I be compatible with someone who felt the need to include their pronouns everywhere they went or felt that child mutilation was actually "gender affirming care" OR stupider yet, thought Trudeau was good for our country.

I agree with you on this part. I actually wasn't thinking about this when typing what I posted.

I'd like to know that if a woman got pregnant, I wouldn't have to worry about her saying the child was a different gender in a few years.

But women saying "let's go Brandon" and wearing politics on their sleeve isn't appealing either.

We'd never jive, it would be a waste of time.
I don't need to discuss politics at dinner and some people are too extreme for me (my mom, lol), but showing that awareness about what's happening in our country and caring enough to have an opinion is rather important to me.

Do guys not feel this way at all?

Is it certain issues that are important, or an overall worldview?

I can't speak for all guys, but until a few years ago I don't think anyone gave it too much thought.

 

[Diesel59]

Here's an offshoot of ghosting. Ever been zombied before?

Getting ‘zombied’ is the new dating trend — and it’s worse than ‘ghosting’

“Girl, you’re being ghosted? I’m being zombied!”

nypost.com

 

[Thrawn]

Truth is it's convenient and easy. People don't like having uncomfortable conversations. If it were done to me I would be upset or hurt. Although I may have done it a few times to people early in my marriage. If I could go back and change it I would

 

[lukiss96]

To me ghosting = ignoring in one way or another. Usually ignoring texts on messenger, muting, there is option to hide everything other person posts without actually unfriending or unfollowing them or blocking as those are way too obvious signs.

It sucks when someone does it to you, but when you do it you choose to go this way because you don't want to completely make a kill and make her/him/it hate you so much.

So it's not an evil thing, but it admittedly sucks. Actually no one wants to ghost or be ghosted, sometimes it just so happens that person A wants to quit ties with person B, but can't say it straight up because it will turn from sympathy to hatred in a blink of an eye. No one wants enemies, so atleast somewhat "passable" compromise is met by ghosting, assuming both parties are intelligent and mature enough to understand what's up.

Speaking for myself, I usually give it some time if a girl is obviously ghosting me, I just move on and don't waste any more time on her. Move on to the next one is pretty good solution or taking a break and focusing on your fitness goals for better results instead of chasing girls and for some random sex you exchange gym and diet, desires I guess, but you know what I'm saying.

 

[Gibsonator]

In the modern age of dating, ghosting has become common practice. For those who don't know, it simply means cutting off all communication with someone with no explanation as to why. It typically includes things like blocking the other person's number, deleting them from Instagram, etc.

Some people find this a cruel and cowardly way to end a relationship or to stop talking to somebody. Others feel it is the easiest way to cut things off in the modern age. How do you feel about it? What are your experiences, either with ghosting someone or being ghosted yourself?


I've never ghosted anyone, but I've been ghosted a few times. Including way back in 2011, before the term existed to my knowledge. I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me a bit antsy about things like women responding to texts, even when I know I'm in no danger of being ghosted. It created an insecurity that I will perhaps never quite shake, so I lean to the side of ghosting being a terrible thing to do someone.

It's the result of one just being lazy and cowardly. Then it was given a name. Some people don't vibe with each other, and if that's the case, just say so and move on. If there was an actual issue, say it. Maybe it'll help the other person in future relationships. I've been out of the dating scene longer than this was a thing but that's what I'd think would be respectful.

 

[tankeray]

Ghosting has been common for as long as I can remember. I've ghosted before and been on the other side. Yeah, it is a cowardly move and in my opinion can lead to more problems versus being straight up and honest.

 

[Thrawn]

If he didn’t rev your engine then be done with it. I’ve been on first dates and knew there wouldn’t be a second. I’ve also had sex with many of those dates. Sex and me seeing a second date in the future are two different things.

You were here playing this out with us so we chimed in. Played devils advocate. Tried to look at it from different perspectives. At the end of the day it’s your decision. You went on the date. We didn’t. Only you know what to do and it seems like you know what that is.

So cut him loose and keep looking

Edit. My current wife was planning on sleeping with me on the first date. We knew each other from work. She thought I was an asshole. When I took her in a date and was actually a decent person she thought I was trying to game her. Took me two months to get my noodle wet.

The attraction on both parties was there though so I get that it’s different.

So I understand correctly your wife was going to fuck you on the first date but when she found that you were nice she made you wait

 

[Thrawn]

@Jenn_is_Jenning if a woman ever asked me to play video games, then I'd probably fall in love instantly on the first date.

I think you need to find a nerd, who likes to workout, and is completely comfortable in their own skin.

@Jenn_is_Jenning I'm oblivious when it's done to me but I'm pretty sure that was a hint lol